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Band 4

Companies should try to make their workers satisfied at work. Do you agree or disagree?

#companies #workers #work
Many people are of the opinion that companies should strive to make their
employees
 happy at
work
. I completely agree with that opinion.
Firstly
, when workers feel satisfied with their
work
, they will
work
 more enthusiastically.
plEveryone
Correct your spelling
Everyone
 will contribute and be enthusiastic in a working environment where they feel comfortable. We cannot require
employees
 to
work
 hard when we cannot provide them with a friendly,
easant
Correct your spelling
easy
 working atmosphere.
For example
, between a
company
 that always has poor employee remuneration and reward policies and a
company
 that has good employee remuneration and reward policies, it is certain that the
company
 that treats
employees
 well will have a more efficient
work
 schedule. Because when
employees
 are comfortable, they will devote themselves to their
work
.
Secondly
, when
employees
 feel satisfied, they will
work
 more productively, thereby leading to success for the
company
. Working attitude is very important, it can determine up to 93% of success at
work
.
Therefore
, est
efficiencwhen
Correct your spelling
efficient when
 workers have a good working attitude, their
work
 will reach the
highy
Correct your spelling
highly
 and the
company
 will grow and become stronger.
In addition
, when
employees
 are satisfied with their workplace, the
company
 will be like a family and all members will be happy in that environment. In conclusion, I strongly believe that companies should make
employees
 happy when they come to
work
 to reach the highest
work
 efficiency.
Submitted by huyhungvtv on

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coherence cohesion
There is a clear logical structure to the arguments, but transitions could be managed more smoothly. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next and that connective terms are used effectively to guide the reader through the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and generally do a good job framing the essay; however, the conclusion could be more concise and impactful.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported; however, they are not always developed with specific evidence or examples. Extend your arguments with more detailed explanations and real-world examples to strengthen them.
task achievement
The essay provides a response to the prompt, although the arguments could be developed further. Explore the implications of worker satisfaction more deeply to enrich the response.
task achievement
While the ideas are clear, they could be more comprehensive. Expand on these ideas to fully explore the subject and demonstrate a complex understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Specific examples are sparse, which weakens the overall argument. Strengthen your essay by incorporating relevant anecdotes or case studies to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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