IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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Many processed meals and beverages have a high amount of
sugar
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, which may result in a number of health issues. In my opinion, I agree that high-
sugar
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products
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 should be sold at higher prices to lessen
people
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’s
sugar
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 intake.
First,
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overconsumption of
sugar
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-packed
products
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 is because they are cheap.
For example
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, many fast-food restaurants offer free refills on sodas.
As a result
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, customers oftentimes have two or three sodas at a meal, because they want to maximize their “privilege”. If these restaurants were required to implement a 20% tax on these sugary
products
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 and stop providing free refills, many customers would think it hard to order one at all, let alone have a second one. A regulation like
this
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 could be extremely effective in terms of preventing obesity among low-income
people
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 since they are heavy consumers of cheap processed sugary
products
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.
In addition
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, making processed high-
sugar
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products
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 more expensive can promote healthier eating choices.
This
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 is because if the prices of these
products
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 are increased to the point at which most
people
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 are unable to buy them regularly, they may turn to foods and drinks that are healthier and more affordable.
For instance
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, if a can of strawberry-flavoured snacks costs three times more than the price of a box of fresh strawberries, they will opt to buy the cheaper fresh fruits to satisfy their
sugar
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 craving.
Although
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 fresh fruits
also
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 contain sugars in them, they are way healthier than manufactured ones. In conclusion, manufactured sweetened
products
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 should be made more expensive to push
people
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 to consume less
sugar
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. For one thing,
overconsumption
Correct article usage
the overconsumption
show examples
 of
sugar
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 is partly because of
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 low price. For another, increasing their price will result in
people
Use synonyms
 choosing healthier natural foods.

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critical thinking
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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