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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#changes #birth #rates #china #usa #information #features #comparisons
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The given line graph depicts the general
birth
Use synonyms
 rates in percentage between
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
China
Use synonyms
 from 1920 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
China
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 and the
USA
Use synonyms
 demonstrate a similar pattern and show downward trajectories on the line graph. Both countries exhibit two peaks: a lower peak
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1932 (around 15%) and a higher peak
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1952 (20% in the
USA
Use synonyms
 and 15% in
China
Use synonyms
). Meanwhile, the two lines plummet in 1945 (
reach at
Wrong verb form
reaching
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 merely 5%), given that the
birth
Use synonyms
 rate in
China
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 falls 5 years earlier than that in the
USA
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. Talking about the downward trend, there are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 newborns in
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 within the years under examination, slightly declining from around 10% to 7%.
This
Linking Words
 decrease
also
Linking Words
 appears in
China
Use synonyms
, dropping more significantly from 10% to 2%, resulting
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
forth-fifths
different
Replace the word
difference
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 as compared to the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, women
give
Wrong verb form
gave
show examples
birth
Use synonyms
 more in the
USA
Use synonyms
 than
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
China
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
most of the time except
1920
Change preposition
in 1920
show examples
-1930 and 1940-1945. At the turning point
1940
Change preposition
of 1940
show examples
,
China
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's rate
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 static for five years at 5%. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 has
accomodated
Correct your spelling
accommodated
 more babies than
China
Use synonyms
within
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1920 to 2000, yet both countries face the same challenge of falling
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
.
Submitted by ardentpicks on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, usa, china with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "downward" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "falls" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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