IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

international travel is becoming cheaper and countries are opening their doors to more and moore tourist. Do the advantages of increased tourists outweigh disadvantages.

#travel #countries #doors #moore #tourist #tourists
Undoubtedly, in
this
 modern era, a lot of modifications have taken place in
this
 modern world. With
this
, international travel is becoming easier and cheaper for travellers.
However
, in the upcoming
paragraphs
Add a comma
paragraphs,
show examples
 I will discuss
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
 and demerits of the given statement. On the brighter side, several factors are associated with it, but the main one is that international
tour
Fix the agreement mistake
tours
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 will
helps
Change the verb form
help
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 to develop
infrastructure
Correct article usage
the infrastructure
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 sector. To explain, when tourists visit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 particular
country
 they will spend
high
Correct word choice
a large
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 amount of money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 travelling which
further
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 will invest that income on a sort of things
such
 as
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
roads
as well as
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the maintenance of old buildings.
Moreover
, travelling from one
country
 to another
also
 helps
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 cultural exchange. To illustrate, in India nearly 76 per cent of
people
 from foreign countries
visits
Correct subject-verb agreement
visit
show examples
 annually to explore the
golden temple
Correct your spelling
Golden Temple
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 which is the main attraction of the
country
 and they commute with local
people
 and get knowledge about the different religions or
cultural
Replace the word
cultures
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while
 having a meal together in the Sikh shine.
Hence
, international travel is beneficial for the
overall
 growth of the economy. On the darker side, there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 disadvantages of tourism. First and foremost, it out detrimental impact on
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 because most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
non- residential
Correct your spelling
non-residential
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people
 throw
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
plastic waste on the beach side which is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
marine life and it
also
increase
Change the verb form
increases
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 the level of air pollution because
people
 travel from one place to another to explore and vehicles release harmful gases
such
 as Co2 and other at an alarming rate.
Secondly
, sometimes
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
also
 harm the old buildings
while
 doing some kind of
drawings
Fix the agreement mistake
drawing
show examples
. Recently a group of foreigners
spoil
Wrong verb form
spoiled
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 the wall of the Red
fort
Capitalize word
Fort
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by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 some
water proof
Correct your spelling
waterproof
show examples
 colors and
thus
 it
leads
Wrong verb form
led
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disrespect
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
country
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they got a hard punishment for doing
this
 from the local police. In conclusion,
although
 there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 disadvantages of international
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
show examples
, yet advantages are more beneficial to
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 the
overall
 growth of the economy.
Submitted by svmaibcamaibs on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, ensure that your essay follows a clear and organized sequence of ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea that is elaborated upon and not jump from one idea to another abruptly.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but could be improved for clarity and strength. Make sure the introduction clearly states the purpose of the essay and outlines the points to be discussed. The conclusion should effectively summarize the essay without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
To provide better support for your main points, include specific examples, facts, and figures that are directly related to the topic. Each paragraph should revolve around a single main point with strong evidence to back it up.
task achievement
To achieve a complete response, you must address all parts of the task clearly. Make sure you cover both the advantages and disadvantages in a balanced way, and give a clear opinion on whether one outweighs the other.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas by expanding on each point with thorough explanations and arguments. This helps to demonstrate an in-depth understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples that support your arguments. Avoid vague statements and generalizations, as they do not contribute to a compelling argument. Focus on drawing from a wide range of examples to reinforce your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • international travel
  • cheaper
  • countries
  • opening their doors
  • tourists
  • advantages
  • boost
  • local economy
  • job creation
  • cultural exchange
  • preservation
  • heritage
  • infrastructure development
  • disadvantages
  • overcrowding
  • strain on resources
  • environmental impact
  • cultural erosion
  • increased cost of living
  • loss of authenticity
What to do next:
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