IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #results #survey #people #city #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line chart illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the survey of four causes
if
Correct your spelling
of
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 people who move to another place.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
the
Correct article usage
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employment was the most popular reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 people to go to another area,
whereas
Linking Words
, the least reason was because of family or
friends
Use synonyms
 and
adventure
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 2000, getting a job was the essential cause of people
moved
Wrong verb form
moving
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 to
city
Add an article
the city
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, it started
roughly
Change preposition
at roughly
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 60,000
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
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,
then
Linking Words
 it rose dramatically
in
Change preposition
apply
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ten years ahead about 90,000,
although
Linking Words
 it dipped slightly
in
Change the preposition
at
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 the end of the year roughly 88,000.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 studying was the second
placed
Replace the word
place
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, it jumped up all the entire years, which started approximately 25,000 to 88,000 in 2000 to 2015.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the two
last
Linking Words
 reasons were
due to
Linking Words
 family or
friends
Use synonyms
 and
adventure
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the
adventure
Use synonyms
 was the
most
Change the adjective
apply
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least percentage than
friends
Use synonyms
 and
adventure
Use synonyms
. The
adventure
Use synonyms
 was
increasing stabilize
Wrong verb form
increased stabilised
show examples
 (10,000 to 11,000) for the entire years,
besides
Linking Words
 family or
friends
Use synonyms
 reason went up slowly where about 11,000 to 21,000 between 2000 and 2015.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words friends, adventure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "move" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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