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Writing Samples
Band 5

Popular events like the football World Cup and other international occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotion in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#events #football #world #cup #occasions #tensions #emotion
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I can see why some people might argue that popular
events
 like the football World Cup and other international occasions can help ease international
tensions
 and release patriotic emotions in a safe way. These
events
 bring together people from different countries, fostering a sense of unity and sportsmanship.
Additionally
, they provide a platform for countries to showcase their national pride and celebrate cultural diversity.
However
, it's important to acknowledge that
while
such
events
 can have positive effects, they may not be enough to completely ease international
tensions
 or serve as a long-term solution. International conflicts and political disagreements are complex issues that require more comprehensive approaches for resolution.
Moreover
, it's worth considering that these
events
 can sometimes fuel nationalistic sentiments and even exacerbate existing
tensions
 between countries. Rivalries on the sports field can sometimes spill over into hostile
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 amongst fans and even lead to violence.
Additionally
, the intense focus on nationalistic pride during these
events
 may overshadow underlying social, economic, and political issues within a country. In conclusion,
while
 popular
events
 like the football World Cup and other international occasions can have some positive effects in easing international
tensions
 and releasing patriotic emotion, they should be viewed as part of a larger effort to foster understanding, dialogue, and cooperation between nations. Saidrahim
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear overview and closing statement to your argument, which is commendable. However, your main points lack a bit of development and supporting examples, making them less convincing than they could be. Consider illustrating your main points with more detailed examples and evidence. This strategy will enhance the impact of your essay and provide a more compelling argument overall.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the prompt and provided a clear position throughout your essay, which demonstrates a good grasp of the task requirements. To improve task achievement, aim to provide more depth and detail in your discussion of the topic. Show a wider range of ideas and explore the complexities of the issue more thoroughly. Additionally, incorporate specific examples or case studies to substantiate your points and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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