.In many countries ,teenagers are encouraged to do part time jobs. what do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of doing part time jobs ?what's the situation like in your country?

#countries #teenagers #part #time #jobs #situation #country

It is common for many countries around the world to stimulate adolescents to do

part

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

time

jobs. Of course,

this

approach has its pros and cons and both will be elaborated on in

this

essay. There are a few obvious benefits to encouraging the young generation to

working

Change the verb form

work

show examples

. One of the main advantages is that

teens

this

way learn that earning

money

is actually complicated and requires a

hardwork

Correct your spelling

work

. Asking parents for

money

is much easier than working by

youself

Correct your spelling

yourself

and

consiquently

Correct your spelling

consequently

, after

descovering

Correct your spelling

discovering

this

adolscents

Correct your spelling

adolescents

can spend

money

more carefully than before.

Moreover

, getting new knowledge and experience in the field of work is advantageous. It means that youngsters can learn a lot from

this

experience about themselves and

type

Correct article usage

the type

show examples

of work which

suit

Correct subject-verb agreement

suits

show examples

them the most and which one they totally dislike.

For instance

, in the US it is quite popular for

teens

to have a

part

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

time

job,

espesially

Correct your spelling

especially

on holidays, when they have more free

time

to dedicate themselves fully to earning

money

and learning something new. Turning to the other side of the argument, working long hours

instead

of school is the major issue. Many

teens

can get very tired after work and,

therefore

, be less productive at school. If their working hours are not controlled by the government, it can have some serious

consiquences

Correct your spelling

consequences

on teenagers` education in general. Another drawback is that

teens

can prefer

part

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

time

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

over tertiary education. They may think that it is possible to earn a good sum of

money

without having a degree so there is simply no need for that.

Consequently

this

can be a serious issue for the

countrly

Correct your spelling

country

on the grounds that there will be

less

Correct quantifier usage

fewer

show examples

sertificated

Correct your spelling

certificated

certificate

specialists. All things considered, there are certain negatives of encouraging

teens

to do

part

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

time

jobs.

However

, in my

country

Add a comma

country,

show examples

this

approach is quite popular and there are

not

Correct your spelling

show examples

serious problems with it because it

widen

Change the verb form

widens

show examples

young individuals` mindset and helps them to find themselves in

this

world.

Submitted by miaqu138 on Fri Dec 08 2023

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coherence cohesion

To enhance the logical structure, you should ensure that your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next by using appropriate linking words and transitions.

coherence cohesion

An effective introduction and conclusion are essential. Make sure they clearly outline the essay's topic and provide a summary of the main points without introducing new information.

coherence cohesion

Support your main points with thorough explanations and relevant examples. This will help in developing your argument and providing clarity to your essay.

task achievement

For a complete response, ensure that you address all parts of the task and provide a clear position throughout the response. Stay focused on the task at hand.

task achievement

Your ideas need to be expressed clearly and comprehensively. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the argument is easy to follow.

task achievement

Use specific examples to illustrate your points. These examples should be directly relevant to the topic and help in reinforcing your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

331 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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.In many countries ,teenagers are encouraged to do part time jobs. what do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of doing part time jobs ?what's the situation like in your country?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

More and more plastic wastes are polluting in world cities, countryside and oceans. What are the problems caused by plastic waste? What measures should be taken to solve it?

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Public transport is essential bu problematic. Describe some of the problems connected to public transport and suggest solution.

Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much noise as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In achieving personal happiness, our relationships with family, friends,and colleagues are more important than work and wealth. Do you agree ordisagree with this