The table shows Proportions of Pupils attending Four Secondary School Types between 2010 and 2020

The table shows Proportions of Pupils attending Four Secondary School Types between 2010 and 2020
The table illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the percentage of students who
going
Wrong verb form
went to
show examples
four types of secondary
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
from 2010 and 2020.
Overall
, it can be seen that voluntary-controlled
school
was the
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
show examples
among the other types,
whereas
, the least was specialist schools.
To begin
with, students who applied
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
community
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
increased dramatically
in
Change preposition
over
show examples
the entire years, it was merely
Correct article usage
a types
show examples
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
show examples
of
school
which experienced
rising
Wrong verb form
a rise
show examples
althought
Correct your spelling
although
it was not
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
popular. It started at 12% in 2000,
then
climbing
Wrong verb form
climbed
show examples
up in 2005
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
32% and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
the highest percentage in 2009
about
Change preposition
at about
show examples
58%.
Moreover
, specialist, grammar and voluntary-controlled schools decreased
at
Change preposition
during
show examples
the periods
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
given.
In addition
, it started in 2000 were about 12%, 24%, and 52% each, the next was in 2005 roughly 11%, 19% and 38% respectively.
Finally
, in 2009, it slowly went down
just
Change preposition
to just
show examples
under 20%
each
Change preposition
of each
show examples
of the
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
(specialist
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
about
Change preposition
at about
show examples
10%,
then
grammar
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
at 12%, and voluntary-controlled
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
20%).
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words school with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: