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Band 2.5

Some people think in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #world
People
’s opinions differ as to whether
people
 are more
less
Correct word choice
or less
show examples
 dependent on others
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days. In
this
 essay, I will look at some of
arguments
Add an article
the arguments
show examples
 for
while
 there are some reasons to think that individuals now stooge on each other more. Nowadays, there are several reasons why it could be argued that humans are more dependent on each other. First of all,
day- by-day
Correct your spelling
day-by-day
show examples
 life is more difficult, that means not all
people
 can live as they want.
Secondly
, the majority of teenagers
prefer
Add the particle
prefer to
show examples
 develop without
help
Add an article
the help
show examples
 of their parents. That means the parents must support their children with their careers. For occurrence, by statistics in
China
Add a comma
China,
show examples
 the majority of adults live separately without their parents. In spite of
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 arguments, I support the view that
people
 are more independent these days. In some countries, young adults
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
earn money
easily
Correct quantifier usage
more easily
show examples
 than
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
people
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means that young
people
 can depend
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 experienced
people
 who work full-time.
In addition
, many students choose to study
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 country and develop their careers, and
this
 makes them more independent as they learn to live alone.
For instance
, in Central
Asia
Add a comma
Asia,
show examples
 day-by-day growing independence is technology, which allows us to develop our work. Taking everything
by
Change preposition
into
show examples
 consideration, individuals depend on each other more, my own view is that we are more independent than ever
Submitted by ina1_95 on

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Introduction & Conclusion
The introduction is present but lacks a clear thesis statement. Ensure that the introduction clearly states the purpose of the essay and includes a thesis statement that presents the main points that will be discussed.
Logical Structure
Work on creating more logical and clear connections between ideas. Use a range of cohesive devices effectively to structure the argument.
Supported Main Points
Expand on your main points with more detailed explanations and a variety of supporting examples. Each argument should be clearly connected to the thesis and fully elaborated.
Complete Response
The response needs to be more complete. Address all parts of the prompt, including discussing both views equally and providing your own opinion in a balanced way.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Clarify your ideas to more comprehensively address the topic. Make sure you fully explain concepts before moving on to the next point.
Relevant Specific Examples
Relevant examples are provided, but they should be more specific and detailed. Back up your claims with clear evidence or specific instances.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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