IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some say that people living in high-rise apartments are lonely and unhappy, while others say that it is advantageous to stay in high-rise apartments. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#say #people #apartments
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Nowadays, the trend of tall
buildings
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 and
flats
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 is growing, though it is a debatable topic, as some
people
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 are in favour of these
flats
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whereas
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, some find it difficult to stay there.
However
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, as far as my opinion is concerned, living in a tall flat can be beneficial.
To begin
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 with, many
people
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 are following the trend and moving to
flats
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 because of numerous advantages. These huge
buildings
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 with multiple
apartments
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 are cost-effective in crowded and big cities, where
people
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 can not afford to buy their own land or a house.
In addition
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 , these
buildings
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 provide a luxury lifestyle,
society
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 culture and security .
For example
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 , a gated
society
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 with a
kids
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kid's
kids'
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play area,
club-house
Correct your spelling
clubhouse
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 and parking facility provides many luxuries to daily life in a fast-paced life. On the other hand, these
apartments
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 are of limited area and equipped with only a few rooms, a lobby and balconies. The
people
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 who are used to living in big houses with their extended families may find it difficult to live. The
people
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 living in these
flats
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 are usually less social so the
overall
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 atmosphere becomes isolated.
Moreover
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 , no direct access to the common gardens where
people
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 can interact with neighbours or
society
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people
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 .
Hence
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 ,
people
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 find it lonely and stressful.
However
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 , in my opinion, I believe that there are several benefits of these
apartments
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 and the
society
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 they offer. It provides
the
Correct article usage
apply
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security to the
kid's
Change noun form
kids
show examples
 and a safe environment to play with in the gated premises.
Additionally
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 , high-rise
apartments
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 provide fresh air and beautiful
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
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 from the balconies.
To conclude
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 , I would like to assert that
although
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 the tall
buildings
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 provide an isolated environment but offer numerous luxuries.
Hence
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, living in
flats
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 advantageous and economical.
Submitted by hiteshpaul on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to provide a balanced introduction and conclusion that clearly set the stage and summarize your position on the topic, respectively. The absence of a well-defined conclusion can greatly affect your score.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph presents a clear main idea with relevant supporting details. Aim to include clear topic sentences and well-developed examples or reasons to back your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance the flow of ideas. While you have a logical structure, it could benefit from more complex sentence forms and clearer connections between them.
task achievement
Address the task fully by discussing both views on the issue and providing examples that are pertinent to each view before stating your own position. Ensure that the response covers all aspects of the prompt.
task achievement
Enhance the clarity and development of your ideas by expanding on them with comprehensive examples and explanations. Try to further elaborate on why people might find high-rise living beneficial or isolating.
task achievement
Integrate specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. Broad statements should be substantiated with clear instances or situations that illustrate the point being made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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