IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #team #sports #school
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Teamwork
 is always a vital skill in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, I absolutely agree that doing
team
sports
 at school is
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the best way to help
children
 become collaborative. The following content will list the reasons.
Teamwork
 and communication are crucial factors in
sports
. In certain
sports
,
such
 as football, basketball and baseball, they need not only personal ability but
also
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
team
's strategy.
For example
,
while
 planning the strategy,
children
 must
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication
Replace the word
communicate
show examples
 and
interaction
Replace the word
interact
show examples
between
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other.
As a result
, kids will learn how to
obtain
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
 their
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
team
 cooperation over the period.
In addition
,
regularly
Change the word
regular
show examples
 training can
also
efficienctly
Correct your spelling
efficiently
 enhance
teamwork
.
For instance
,
while
children
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 more time with friends, the relationship between the group will become closer.
Furthermore
, the
sense
 of achievement when winning a competition can
makes
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 the connection stronger. When
children
 join a game, they need to face enemies who are hard to defeat,
as a result
, their cooperation will
stronger
Add a missing verb
be stronger
show examples
 than ever.
In addition
, as they win the game, the effort of the whole
team
while
 they were training will in payback, at the moment, they will
Add a missing verb
be pround
show examples
pround
Correct your spelling
proud
 of themselves and their group,
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
 feeling can definitely raise their
sense
 of
teamwork
. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
team
sports
 can play an important role for a child to raise their
sense
 of
teaamwork
Correct your spelling
teamwork
, because not only
it
Add a missing verb
does it
show examples
 increase the interaction with other teenagers but
also
 the
sense
 of
achievent
Correct your spelling
achievement
 to join a group can let them know the meaning of
teamwork
.
Submitted by chaoweikevin on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that you have a clear thesis statement in your introduction to outline your main argument. Providing clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph helps to guide the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use transitional phrases and conjunctions effectively to create a logical flow from one point to the next within and between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Expand your arguments with detailed examples and explanations. Specific examples help to ground your arguments and make them more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure your conclusion summarises your main points and restates your overall position on the topic.
Task Achievement
Address the prompt directly and ensure that your response covers all aspects of the task. Develop each argument fully to meet the requirements of the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
What to do next:
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