IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some believe that people are naturally born as leaders while others feel that leadership skills can develop. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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A contentious debate surrounds whether the qualities of
leadership
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 are innate or achieved.
While
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 some argue that
people
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 are naturally born as leaders, others contend that these
skills
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 can be learned later in life. I strongly believe that the
skills
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 for being
leadership
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 are inborn, and can be trained over time.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 claim that
leadership
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 is not something that can be achieved. To expand the idea,
while
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 considering leaders as
people
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 who exert a great influence on
people
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, their powerful presence can not be developed. Being articulate, and having oratory
skills
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, which are supported by several scientists that they are inborn, to influence
people
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 through words is essential for being a leader.
Furthermore
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, it is unavoidable that some
people
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 are born with a charismatic personality, which is a requirement for
leadership
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. To cite an example, Mozart was a well-known composer in the world, and he composed music at the age of five.
This
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 exemplifies that inborn abilities are on a factual basis. Regarding the view of the opposite side, there are many affirmations by
people
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 who advocate that everyone can be a leader for the rest of their time. What is more, the more effort we put in, the more we practise
skills
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, the better we become.
While
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 taking life experience as a significant factor into account, assertiveness to stand up for what you believe in and having confidence can be learned through practice and training.
For instance
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, Bill Gates was a computer scientist 30 years ago, but if we look at the current situation, he is a renowned leader and owner of Microsoft, which emphasises the possibility of learning anything through time. I firmly opine that
skills
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 that are related to
leadership
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 can be achieved by
people
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 as success results from determination and hard work in any field.
To conclude
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,
although
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 many believe that
people
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 are born with desperate character, the importance of industriousness and practices can not be disregarded.
Consequently
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, I am on the side of
people
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 who believe in the power of learning without respite.

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logical structure
Make sure that each paragraph has one clear main idea and that this is developed logically. There are instances of slightly unclear progression of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Good job on including both an introduction and a conclusion. Ensure they encapsulate the main ideas of the essay clearly and distinctively.
supported main points
Provide more in-depth explanations and development for your main points. Use a mix of general statements and specific details to illustrate your arguments more thoroughly.
complete response
The essay addresses the task well by discussing both views and providing your opinion. Strive to maintain a balanced discussion throughout, touching on all aspects of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on presenting your ideas with more clarity and depth. Aim for a balance of complex structures and clear, understandable language.
relevant specific examples
Your examples are good but can be more strongly related to the argument you're making. Aim for more detailed specificity in examples to better support your points.
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