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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the last year.

The chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the last year.
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The chart provides information about the proportion of illiterate females and males in 6 different regions in 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of illiterate people in Developed
countries
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, Latin America/Caribbean, and East
Asia
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/Oceania was lower compared to Sub-Saharan Africa, Arab States, and South
Asia
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; where the rates of illiterate people in South
Asia
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 were the highest than other regions, and Developed
countries
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 had the lowest numbers. From the chart given, it is noticeable that the rate for illiterate men in Developed
countries
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 was around 2%, and the
number
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 for women was approximately 5%. In Latin America, there was a small difference between the proportion of illiterate people, approximately 10% for males and 11% for females;
whereas
Linking Words
 the
number
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 of illiterate women in East
Asia
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 more doubled than the
men
Correct quantifier usage
number of men
show examples
 which
was
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were
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 around 20% and 10% respectively. In regions of Sub-Saharan Africa, Arab States, and South
Asia
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, the figures of illiterate females were higher compared to males. In terms of the illiteracy
number
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 for men, it was 30% in Sub-Saharan Africa, slightly under 30% in
Arab
Correct article usage
the Arab
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 States, and around 35% in South
Asia
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;
whereas
Linking Words
 for women, it was slightly under 50%, around 50%, and approximately 55% in those three
countries
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 respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, countries, asia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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