IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think is a possible solution?

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Amount of customers in developing states who are buying cars for the first time
have
Change the verb form
has
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 increased. The main problems
this
Linking Words
 causes
air
Add a missing verb
are air
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 pollution and raised
road
Use synonyms
traffic
Use synonyms
, and the most viable solution is
well-designed
Correct article usage
a well-designed
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 public
transport
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
. The primary issue developing countries face when their citizens start to buy cars is higher
pollutant
Fix the agreement mistake
pollutants
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.
This
Linking Words
 occurred
as a result
Linking Words
 of fuel car exploitation that produces emissions
such
Linking Words
 as
a
Correct article usage
the
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 gas CO2 and others, all of
them
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 exert
harmful
Add an article
a harmful
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 influence on
Correct article usage
the planet
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planet
Change noun form
planet's
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 environment and
humans
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human
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 health. The greater number of vehicles on the
road
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 responsible for a rise in
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams.
This
Linking Words
 is because
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
road
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 is not adjustable for these new enormous amounts of cars, and competition for
road
Use synonyms
 resources
raise
Verb problem
rises
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 significantly which leads to
slowdown
Add an article
a slowdown
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 in
traffic
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, India has constant high
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams
due to
Linking Words
 rapid economic and population growth,
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 in megacities. A solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 these problems is to develop and improve
public
Add an article
the public
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transport
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 would solve the problems by expansion
of
Change preposition
apply
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routes and public vehicles, and modernisation
go
Verb problem
apply
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the
logistic
Fix the agreement mistake
logistics
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 of the public
transport
Use synonyms
 network.
For example
Linking Words
, when Copenhagen faced an issue with gridlocks on roads, the authority decided to innovate and expand the
system
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 through building new metro and
buses
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bus
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 lines. Thanks to
this
Linking Words
, they have succeeded with reduced private cars’
using
Replace the word
use
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 and have
maintain
Change the verb form
maintained
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 environmental well-being. In conclusion,
growing
Verb problem
the growth
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 of personal
transport
Use synonyms
 in
third
Correct word choice
third-world
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 states results in the emergence of issues
such
Linking Words
 as atmospheric pollution and intense
traffic
Use synonyms
 on roads,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can be addressed
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 enhancing
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 transportation network.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity and precision in introduction and conclusion; both should succinctly introduce the topic, present a thesis, and prepare the reader for the specific discussion ahead, as well as bring closure to the argument.
coherence cohesion
Use stronger topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to establish clear main points and enhance overall coherence. Support these points systematically with more detailed development and examples.
task achievement
A fuller response to the task would involve a deeper analysis of the issue beyond the surface level, including exploration of secondary issues and implications. Consider expanding your coverage of potential solutions beyond a single option to reflect a more complex understanding.
task achievement
Enhance the depth and detail of ideas presented by including a wider range of specific, relevant examples that underscore your arguments. This adds credibility and weight to your analysis.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • air pollution
  • climate change
  • fuel prices
  • imported oil
  • road maintenance
  • public transportation
  • economic inequality
  • societal divide
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