IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable school time. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #school #students #study #news #subjects #waste #time
There are different views about implementing international
news
 as a course in high schools.
While
 some folks argue that doing so is wasting their students’
time
 because it is better to spend on more important subjects,
this
 essay believes that
this
 new subject can enrich children’s knowledge. Allocating
time
 for a new subject that covers global
news
 will interfere with their schedule on the primary subjects.
This
 is because students are mainly focused on courses like science and math. After all, these fields of study have more weight on the final exams or universities’ admission tests.
Thus
 they want to have more
time
 to focus on more important courses.
For example
, in Indonesia, the university entrance test for high school students generally covers science and math. It does not test their understanding of global issues.
However
,
this
 essay disagrees with
this
 opinion because getting updates about advancements in developed countries will broaden students’ knowledge.
In contrast
, having pupils study related to international topics allows them to broaden their literacy.
This
 is because many developed countries have more advanced research and share their new inventions through the media
such
 as
news
.
This
 enables children to discover new global trends and design their futures.
For instance
, Berry W, a leading data analyst in Indonesia, started his interest in programming in high school. He first learned
this
 new field from
news
 when at that
time
 he rarely found any professional data analyst in Indonesia. He enrolled in a boot camp to develop his skills. Now he is well known for his digital skills.
This
 essay believes that
this
 is proof of how international exposure through studying global
news
 will bring benefit to pupils. In conclusion, even though some people argue that implementing a subject about international
news
 is not an important thing, getting more updates about developed countries’
news
 will enlarge the children’s knowledge.
Submitted by intanannisa.ia on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines your position or intention regarding the essay discussion. Aim to have a strong, definitive stance in your conclusion, reflecting your final perspective on the topic after discussing both points of view.
Logical Structure and Paragraphing
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs, each representing a central idea. Make sure subsequent sentences within the paragraphs coherently support the central idea. Use cohesive devices appropriately to connect ideas and paragraphs, ensuring a smooth flow throughout the essay.
Supporting Main Points
When presenting main points, elaborate them with detailed explanations, illustrations, or examples. It is important that these support elements are relevant to the central idea of the paragraph and contribute effectively to the overall argument or discussion in the essay.
Completeness of Response
It's essential that your essay answers all parts of the question. You must discuss both views presented in the prompt and clearly provide your own opinion. Each idea should be expanded thoroughly, ensuring a comprehensive response to the task.
Clarity of Ideas
Strive to articulate your ideas clearly and ensure they are easy to understand. Avoid ambiguity and make sure that the essay's content is directly relevant to the question asked. Provide comprehensive explanations to strengthen the clarity and depth of your arguments.
Use of Examples
Incorporate specific, relevant examples to substantiate your points. These examples should be clearly linked to the main idea and enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments. They need to be concrete and detailed to effectively illustrate your point of view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global awareness
  • Critical thinking
  • Global citizenship
  • Cultural diversity
  • Communication skills
  • Historical context
  • World affairs
  • Academic subjects
  • Bias
  • Misinformation
  • Age-appropriate
  • Media literacy
  • Educational enrichment
What to do next:
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