IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that sending childern in boarding school at a very tender age is good to what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #childern #school #tender #age
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Home is considered to be the first school of the kids . Few individuals assert that
this
Linking Words
 is a novel idea to send them to residential schools at a very sensitive age . In my opinion, they will not get the love and the warmth
that is
Linking Words
 required at
this
Linking Words
 crucial age but if your child is a spoiled brat
then
Linking Words
 it can be a boon for them To support my statement I believe that at
this
Linking Words
 point in life, they can not their own independent decisions and have to rely on their guardians . If the proper care is not given
then
Linking Words
 they will end up in a ditch and their whole career will be ruined . If they are being sent to hostels it can lead them to homesickness and they will not be able to focus on their education . Moving ahead there are several other points that you should send them
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that they can face major health problems . As we know
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
these schools do not focus on the nourishment of the
Use synonyms
childern
Correct your spelling
children
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 will never be able to get their hands on the extracurricular activities which horizon your view because the only thing that matters to them is the good results . There is
also
Linking Words
 another side to that the children will become independent and will try to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own decisions .
This
Linking Words
 can help them to plan their career in a more organised way .
To conclude
Linking Words
 that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would like to say that caretakers should only send their
Use synonyms
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 to these hostels when both the parents are working and are not able to devote much more time than is required .
Otherwise
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
children
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 require their parent's love and warmth very much and need help at every stage of life to become responsible and respectable citizens
Submitted by dewansurbhee7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates the potential to address the topic, but it lacks a fully developed argument. The introduction provides a reasonable starting point but would benefit from a clearer thesis statement specifying your position. Ensure that each paragraph contains one main idea relevant to the thesis and provide more precise topic sentences to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Expand upon the main points with more focused examples that directly support your argument. The transition between points could be more fluent, and the conclusion could be strengthened with a definitive statement that encapsulates your overall stance on the issue. Use cohesive devices appropriately to enhance the essay's readability.
task achievement
To improve in Task Achievement, ensure your response is fully developed and directly addresses the question throughout the essay. Offer clear and comprehensive ideas related to the prompt, making sure to explain your reasoning for each point made. Avoid general statements and strive for depth and complexity in your argumentation, providing specific examples that distinctly illustrate your view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: