IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people want to buy famous brands of clothes, cars and other items. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#people #brands #clothes #cars #items #development
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Recently,
people
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 who want to buy famous brands in terms of
clothes
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 cars and other
items
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 have increased significantly. in my opinion, there are some causes of
this
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 situation which are finding a good opportunity for a
job
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, some fines for a famous
person
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 and getting some
respect
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 .
Firstly
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 one of the reasons for
this
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 situation is finding a good
job
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.
In other words
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, some
people
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 when they have a
job
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 interview
Rephrase
apply
show examples
however
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 advance to buy a famous brand of
Clothes
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 to get a good reputation in terms of acceptance for a
job
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.
Linking Words
as
Capitalize word
As
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 a result,
this
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 action helps
people
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 to increase the rate of acceptance which leads to give them a great work.
Secondly
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,another reason for
this
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 case is friends with a famous
person
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. One clear example, in Yemen, there are some fans
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a famous
person
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 who is called Hazem ,they they imitate
this
Linking Words
person
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 in terms of
clothes
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 and cars which leads them to buy rich
items
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 that are as same as the famous
person
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.
Thus
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, some of them buy expensive ATMs because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they are already obsessed with famouses.
Thirdly
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, there are some Bible where are expensive
clothes
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 to get
respect
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. To illustrate, there are some individuals who
respect
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 the
person
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 who wears rich brand
clothes
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 or rides an expensive car which leads them to buy expensive
items
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 to get some
respect
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.
As a result
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, they usually buy these
items
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 for showing.
To sum up
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, these are the main reasons which make
people
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 buy expensive brand
items
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.If
people
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 bought expensive things
such
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 as cars and
clothes
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, they would get debt and, it would yield to them in a terrible way in the future.
Submitted by asomm5563 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs improvement in the logical structure. Consider using clearer transitions between points and creating distinct paragraphs for each main idea.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that an introduction and a conclusion are clearly delineated. Your essay should start with an overview and end with a summarization of your main points or a final opinion.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with more detailed examples and explanations to increase the clarity of your argument.
task achievement
Expand on the ideas presented to fully answer the essay prompt. You should explore the reasons and the impacts of the trend, as well as your own viewpoint on whether it is positive or negative.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas by organizing them more logically, using a range of vocabulary to express them precisely, and ensuring each point is developed comprehensively.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to substantiate your arguments. Each reason you state should be followed by a clear example or a piece of evidence that supports your point of view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Conspicuous consumption
  • Brand loyalty
  • Elitism
  • Marketing strategies
  • Consumer psychology
  • Purchase behavior
  • Economic stratification
  • Sustainability
  • Luxury goods
  • Peer influence
  • Global marketing
  • Brand equity
  • Materialistic values
  • Status symbol
  • Quality perception
  • Investment piece
  • Influencer culture
  • Exclusivity
What to do next:
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