In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in studies. what are the causes and its solution?

The extreme
pressure
to study hard has left many young one’s
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
left
Verb problem
apply
show examples
with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of idle
time
.
This
situation is caused not only by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parental
pressure
but
also
by limited
job
opportunities. The plausible solution would be to
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
the
pressure
and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
should provide volunteer
work
.
Although
parents
pressurize
Verb problem
pressure
show examples
their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
to excel in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
studies
,
this
pressure
consequently
left
Wrong verb form
leaves
show examples
them with no free
time
.
This
is because the
parents
want their
child
to perform best in academics and develop unique attributes, which could aid in becoming
successful
Add an article
a successful
show examples
individual.
Moreover
, the
job
opportunities are
jam packed
Add a hyphen
jam-packed
show examples
in every domain, everyone wants to have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
job
in their own field.
For Instance
, Marketing is one of the very competitive jobs, so to
standout
Correct your spelling
stand out
show examples
juveniles are spending maximum
time
in
studies
.
Thus
, individuals spend more
time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
improving their career opportunities. Despite these problems,
parents
and government should join hands to mitigate the issue.
Birth Givers
Correct your spelling
Birthgivers
should focus on providing better
guide
Replace the word
guidance
show examples
instead
of just pressuring their
child
. To explicate, the
parents
should stop expecting more than the
caliber
Change the spelling
calibre
show examples
of the
child
which would eventually provide some free
time
to them for other activities.
This
will ameliorate the situation by improving their mental health and could focus
apparently
Rephrase
apply
show examples
on the
studies
.
Additionally
, Volunteer
work
should be provided by the authorities, which would improve the chance of entering
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the field
job
conveniently and quickly.
For Instance
, after
studies
Add a comma
studies,
show examples
2 months
work
opportunity should be provided under
renowned
Correct article usage
a renowned
show examples
company to foster their chance of getting
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
job
.
To conclude
, the
pressure
is imperative,
nevertheless
it should be reduced and the
post graduation
Add a hyphen
post-graduation
show examples
2-month
work
should be provided to solve the issue of less
job
availability.
Submitted by mdkaur84 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, indicating the position on the topic; however, structurally, it lacks clear logical sequencing and paragraphing. To improve, it should include clear topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs and the argument points should follow a more logical sequence.
task achievement
While the essay covers the topic, there is room for improvement in expanding and developing the main points with clear and comprehensive ideas. The essay should provide more detailed explanations along with fleshing out each point with examples. Additionally, it would be beneficial to address all aspects of the task equally to enhance the completeness of the response.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: