IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in studies. what are the causes and its solution?

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The extreme
pressure
Use synonyms
 to study hard has left many young one’s
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
left
Verb problem
apply
show examples
with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of idle
time
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 situation is caused not only by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parental
pressure
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 by limited
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities. The plausible solution would be to
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 the
pressure
Use synonyms
 and
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should provide volunteer
work
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
pressurize
Verb problem
pressure
show examples
 their
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 to excel in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
studies
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
pressure
Use synonyms
consequently
Linking Words
left
Wrong verb form
leaves
show examples
 them with no free
time
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because the
parents
Use synonyms
 want their
child
Use synonyms
 to perform best in academics and develop unique attributes, which could aid in becoming
successful
Add an article
a successful
show examples
 individual.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities are
jam packed
Add a hyphen
jam-packed
show examples
 in every domain, everyone wants to have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 in their own field.
For Instance
Linking Words
, Marketing is one of the very competitive jobs, so to
standout
Correct your spelling
stand out
show examples
 juveniles are spending maximum
time
Use synonyms
 in
studies
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, individuals spend more
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
improving their career opportunities. Despite these problems,
parents
Use synonyms
 and government should join hands to mitigate the issue.
Birth Givers
Correct your spelling
Birthgivers
 should focus on providing better
guide
Replace the word
guidance
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of just pressuring their
child
Use synonyms
. To explicate, the
parents
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 should stop expecting more than the
caliber
Change the spelling
calibre
show examples
 of the
child
Use synonyms
 which would eventually provide some free
time
Use synonyms
 to them for other activities.
This
Linking Words
 will ameliorate the situation by improving their mental health and could focus
apparently
Rephrase
apply
show examples
on the
studies
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, Volunteer
work
Use synonyms
 should be provided by the authorities, which would improve the chance of entering
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the field
job
Use synonyms
 conveniently and quickly.
For Instance
Linking Words
, after
Use synonyms
studies
Add a comma
studies,
show examples
 2 months
work
Use synonyms
 opportunity should be provided under
renowned
Correct article usage
a renowned
show examples
 company to foster their chance of getting
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
job
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the
pressure
Use synonyms
 is imperative,
nevertheless
Linking Words
 it should be reduced and the
post graduation
Add a hyphen
post-graduation
show examples
 2-month
work
Use synonyms
 should be provided to solve the issue of less
job
Use synonyms
 availability.

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, indicating the position on the topic; however, structurally, it lacks clear logical sequencing and paragraphing. To improve, it should include clear topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs and the argument points should follow a more logical sequence.
task achievement
While the essay covers the topic, there is room for improvement in expanding and developing the main points with clear and comprehensive ideas. The essay should provide more detailed explanations along with fleshing out each point with examples. Additionally, it would be beneficial to address all aspects of the task equally to enhance the completeness of the response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • high expectations
  • academic success
  • future success
  • competitive nature
  • modern education systems
  • top grades
  • prestigious universities
  • high-paying jobs
  • rise of technology
  • social media platforms
  • physical activities
  • relaxation
  • extracurricular demands
  • multiple responsibilities
  • economic factors
  • lower-income families
  • part-time jobs
  • academic pressures
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