IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in studies. what are the causes and the solution?

#countries #people #leisure #time #pressure #work #studies
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The extreme
pressure
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 to study hard has left many young
one’s
Change the noun form
ones
one
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 with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of idle
time
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.
This
Linking Words
 situation is caused not only by parental
pressure
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 but
also
Linking Words
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
limited
job
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 opportunities. The plausible solution would be reducing the
pressure
Use synonyms
 and
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should provide volunteer
work
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.
Although
Linking Words
parents
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pressurize
Verb problem
pressure
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 their
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child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 to excel in their studies,
this
Linking Words
pressure
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consequently
Linking Words
left
Wrong verb form
leaves
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 them with no free
time
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because the
parents
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 want their
child
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 to perform best in academics and develop unique attributes, which could aid in becoming
successful
Add an article
a successful
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 individual.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
job
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 opportunities are jam-packed and everyone wants to have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 in their own field.
For Instance
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Marketing is one of the very competitive jobs, so to
standout
Correct your spelling
stand out
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 juveniles are spending maximum
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Change the word
their
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 studies.
Thus
Linking Words
, individuals spend more
time
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in
Change preposition
apply
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improving their career opportunities. Despite these problems,
parents
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 and government should join hands to mitigate the issue. The Birth Givers should focus on providing better guidance
instead
Linking Words
 of just forcing their
child
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 . To explicate, the
parents
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 should stop expecting more than the
caliber
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calibre
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 of the
child
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 which would eventually provide some free
time
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 to them for other activities.
This
Linking Words
 will ameliorate the situation by improving their mental health and they could focus apparently on their school
work
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, Volunteer
work
Use synonyms
 should be provided by the authorities, which would improve the chance of entering
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the field
job
Use synonyms
 conveniently and quickly.
For Instance
Linking Words
, after the
studies
Add a comma
studies,
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 2 months
work
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 an opportunity should be provided under
renowned
Correct article usage
a renowned
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 company to accelerate their chance of getting
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better
job
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the
pressure
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 is imperative,
Linking Words
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
 it should be reduced, and the
post graduation
Add a hyphen
post-graduation
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 2-month
work
Use synonyms
 should be provided to solve the issue of less
job
Use synonyms
 availability.
Submitted by mdkaur84 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear logical structure. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs with a single main idea and use linking words to create better flow between sentences and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your introduction and conclusion to clearly present the topic and summarize your arguments, ensuring there's no new information in the conclusion.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by providing an equal treatment of causes and solutions, and make sure your ideas are thorough and extended appropriately.
task achievement
Make your ideas clear and comprehensive; avoid ambiguity or general statements that do not directly answer the task prompt.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your points. Without concrete examples, your argument may appear weak or unsubstantiated.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • high expectations
  • academic success
  • future success
  • competitive nature
  • modern education systems
  • top grades
  • prestigious universities
  • high-paying jobs
  • rise of technology
  • social media platforms
  • physical activities
  • relaxation
  • extracurricular demands
  • multiple responsibilities
  • economic factors
  • lower-income families
  • part-time jobs
  • academic pressures
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