Some people think that spending a lot on holding weddings, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss both views.
In
today
materialistic society some folk view it Change noun form
today's
is
crucial to spend a lot of Correct your spelling
as
money
on wedding
and Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other celebrations
celebration
,While
others view this
trend is
merely Correct your spelling
as
waste
of Correct article usage
a waste
money
. In this
essay, I will discuss these prospectives
and highlight my opinion.
In the presence of Replace the word
prospects
Internet
and social media Add an article
the Internet
platforms
the Add a comma
platforms,
phenomena
of displaying Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
the
materialistic things Correct article usage
apply
are
become a trend.
Wedding Verb problem
has
celebration
and parties Fix the agreement mistake
celebrations
one
of these trends and people tend to show their place in society by spending a huge Add a missing verb
are one
money
on celebration
venu
,decoration and services without Correct your spelling
venue
care
about how much they spend.
Wrong verb form
caring
On the other hand
,many of
individuals Change preposition
apply
knew
very well Wrong verb form
know
of
the importance of Change preposition
apply
money
, today spending on vital issues such
as education healthcare and entertainment. I would argue that spending money
by reasonable and give a
priority when spending cash Correct article usage
apply
for instance
, It’s
okay to have a memorable wedding ceremony but Verb problem
it is
also
thought
about the next duty which Wrong verb form
think
require
Change the verb form
requires
a
Remove the article
apply
money
Rephrase
apply
also
.
In
Correct word choice
Overall
overall
,It is undeniable that some people view celebration
by
superficial ,Change preposition
as
while
others know the valuable
and priority Replace the word
value
on
spending Change preposition
of
this
cash.Submitted by enasawad68 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear and distinct introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, leading to a low score in logical structure and presence of introduction and conclusion. It is important to organize your essay clearly with an introduction that paraphrases the prompt and presents a clear thesis statement, body paragraphs that discuss each view with supporting details, and a conclusion that summarizes the points and states your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Coherence refers to the flow of ideas in your writing. This essay does not flow logically from one idea to the next which entirely impairs the coherence aspect. Cohesion, which is the use of linking words and phrases, is also lacking, leading to lower scores in these areas. Use transition words to connect your ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
task achievement
Your task achievement is below the threshold as your response doesn't address the prompt completely and lacks clear, comprehensive ideas backed by specific examples. Be sure to fully address the question, which includes discussing both views and giving your own opinion. Support your points with clear and relevant examples or explanations.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.