IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think children have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #children #freedom #mistakes #adults
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The debate about how much freedom
children
 should have to make
mistakes
 has been ongoing for years, and there are valid arguments on both sides. Some people believe that
children
, being young and inexperienced, are unable to make informed decisions about what is good for them.
According to
this
 view, it is the responsibility of
adults
 to closely monitor
children
 and prevent them from making
mistakes
. In
this
 model, parents and guardians act as protectors, ensuring that
children
 do not fall into harmful situations.
On the other hand
, there is another viewpoint which suggests that
children
, like
adults
, learn valuable lessons through their
mistakes
. Research has shown that when
children
 are allowed to explore and experiment, they develop creativity and problem-solving skills. These
children
 tend to be more independent, develop a wide range of interests, and become better at working in teams. By making
mistakes
,
children
 can understand their strengths and weaknesses, which ultimately helps them grow and mature.
However
, it is crucial that
children
 are given a safe environment to make these
mistakes
. A balanced approach, where
children
 have the freedom to explore but are guided appropriately, seems to be the most effective. Parents should not be overly restrictive but should provide guidance when necessary, especially in situations where safety is a concern. In conclusion, it is ultimately the responsibility of
adults
 to choose the appropriate parenting style.
While
children
 should be allowed to make
mistakes
 in order to learn and develop, it is essential that
adults
 ensure their safety and guide them when needed. A balanced approach will enable
children
 to grow
while
 avoiding unnecessary risks.
Submitted by outpost.03.cameo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance task achievement, consider adding more specific examples that illustrate your points. This can help to further clarify your arguments and make them more relatable to the reader.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and well-developed, but try to explore some counterarguments briefly to show a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is well-organized, but ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next for even better coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the discussion points effectively.
task achievement
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the essay's main points and provides a balanced opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a clear structure with a consistent flow of ideas, supporting the main points with logical explanations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • freedom to make mistakes
  • critical thinking skills
  • lifelong learning
  • guided learning environment
  • resilience
  • independence
  • overprotective
  • dependency
  • problem-solving skills
  • confidence
  • negative consequences
  • learning process
  • personal growth
  • trial and error
  • balance safety and learning
  • development
  • support and guidance
  • empowerment
  • risk-taking
  • life lessons
What to do next:
Look at other essays: