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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the average years of schooling in four countries from 1900 to 2000.

The graph below shows the average years of schooling in four countries from 1900 to 2000.
The graph illustrates the average of
students
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 in
Vietnamese
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 going abroad to study in three particular countries from 2000 to 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that in the first year of the
period
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, France was the most popular country in Vietnam to study abroad, following next were Russia and America respectively.
Then
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, the rank changed to America, as the highest country receiving
Vietnamese
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students
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 and the winner of the starting
period
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 switched to second place, followed by Russia. In terms of the
Vietnamese
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students
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, at the start of the
period
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, France gained a high popularity and got approximately 3.5
million
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Vietnamese
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students
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 studying there. The total number of
students
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 from Vietnam studying in France remained the same from 2005 to 2010 before increasing to around 4.5
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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.
While
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, Russia which acquired exactly 3
million
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Vietnamese
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students
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 in 2000, experienced a decline in the number of
Vietnamese
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students
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 to below 2
million
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 in 2010 but
finally
Linking Words
 increased again to 2.5
million
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 in 2015.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the number of
Vietnamese
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students
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 in America which was the smallest among the three particular countries, witnessed a rise during the
period
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 given until reached a peak at precisely 5
million
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students
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 and became the biggest country having
Vietnamese
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students
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at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, vietnamese, period, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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