Some people think that it's always better to live in the rented accomodation. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of it.

In recent years, there have been
people
who
arguing
Change the form of the verb
argue
show examples
that is
better to rent than buy
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
for living. As
such
there are benefits and drawbacks to
this
idea,
although
I opine that its demerits outweigh the merits. In
this
essay, I will examine all the relevant facets based on factual premises. There are several reasons to support
this
idea. The most prominent one is that
people
can move to other accommodation whatever they want. They do not need to prepare a large sum of money to purchase the house.
Moreover
, maintenance
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
have been
responsibility
Add an article
the responsibility
show examples
of the
owner
of the house.
Therefore
, renters
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
not need to spend extra expenses to repair things.
For example
, if the washing machine
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
bronken
Correct your spelling
broken
, it would be
responsibility
Add an article
the responsibility
show examples
of the
owner
.
On the other hand
, the prices of the rent usually will increase every year. It might become burdened to some
people
.
Moreover
, if the renter needs to use the house, they would not renew the lease and it can become
Correct article usage
a problems
show examples
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
who
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rent to choose another
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
immediately.
In addition
, for
people
who love keeping cats or dogs as pets, it could be
Correct article usage
a problems
show examples
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
if the
owner
restrict
Change the verb form
restricts
show examples
it. In conclusion, renting
place
Add an article
a place
show examples
is an excellent choice for
people
who
cannot
Verb problem
do not
show examples
like to stay just in one place.
In addition
, they can move freely without
worry
Wrong verb form
worrying
show examples
about
long-term
Add an article
the long-term
show examples
commitment of
mortgage
Correct article usage
the mortgage
show examples
.
However
, the
owner
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a right to not renew the lease and it might force them to search for a new accommodation as fast as possible. In my opinion, there are
upside
Correct your spelling
ups
show examples
and
downside
Correct your spelling
downs
show examples
in
this
situation.
Nevertheless
, it can
safe
Add a missing verb
be safe
show examples
if we have our own accommodation.
Submitted by gladysdharmawan1994 on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction provided a reasonable setup for the essay, but it lacked a clear thesis statement outlining your position and the structure of the essay. Try to include this to anchor your argument and direct the reader.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a range of linking words to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the logical flow and make your argument easier to follow. Additionally, ensure that your ideas within each paragraph flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, while you do provide some examples, they are quite general and do not fully illustrate the point being made. Aim to include more detailed and specific examples to strengthen your main points.
task achievement
Be wary of grammar errors and sentence structure throughout the essay. Inaccurate verb forms, missing articles, and agreement issues detract from the clarity of your argument. Regular practice and review of grammar rules will help improve your accuracy.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points of your argument, restating your thesis in light of the evidence presented. Be cautious not to introduce new arguments or contradict the ones previously stated.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • accommodation
  • mortgage
  • down payment
  • maintenance
  • equity
  • investment
  • restrictions
  • lease
  • appreciate
  • commitment
  • upfront costs
  • residential stability
  • property market
  • rental agreement
  • tenancy
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