Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Nowadays,
people
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have more choices in
sports
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than in the past,
however
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, some of them might be dangerous and might even threaten
human's
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human
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life.
Therefore
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, some
people
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want to set a limitation to join these insecure exercises. In my opinion, I partially agree with
this
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stance, I think
people
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can choose the
sports
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they want, meanwhile, they should
also
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follow several instructions or rules, the following content will list the reasons.
First,
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some of the
sports
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are not suitable for normal
people
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,
such
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as extreme
sports
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. Without professional training, they might hurt themselves.
For example
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, diving is an amazing way to explore the undersea world and visit
the
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apply
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submarine lives.
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While diving
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Diving
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under the sea could be fatal when facing some emergent situations, like the disorder of the equipment,
lacking
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lack
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of oxygen and
encounter
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encountering
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an
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apply
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unfriendly sealife.
Therefore
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, the policy about
the
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apply
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basic training before diving should be published, in order to reduce tragedies from the
freshmans
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freshmen
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.
Secondly
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, protective equipment is
also
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a
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apply
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vital and basic for these
sports
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. In certain
sports
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,
the
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apply
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protection is needed for either professionals or
freshmans
Correct your spelling
freshmen
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, because even
the
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if the
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former is more
skillful
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skilful
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and experienced, they might get injured as well.
For instance
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,
rockclimbing
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rock climbing
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is a challenging exercise, without the
assiatance
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assistance
of anchors, safe belts and protective gloves, a steep wall could make a climbing expert drop down to the ground easily.
As a result
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, every climber should follow the rules and instructions before they climb. In conclusion, because of potential risks, we should set up limitations
about
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on
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certain
exercise
Fix the agreement mistake
exercises
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, these rules can not only protect our lives but
also
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let us enjoy
the
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apply
show examples
sports
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easily.
Submitted by chaoweikevin on

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coherence cohesion
Be sure to establish clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea for each paragraph. Your essay shows each paragraph covering different points, but better topic sentences will make the progression of ideas clearer. Also, work on ensuring that your ideas flow logically from one another, using a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to link your ideas and reinforce the structure.
task achievement
Your response covers both sides of the argument as well as your own opinion, which is good. However, you could have developed your main ideas further to enhance your score. Elaborate on your examples, ensuring they are fully fleshed out and linked back to the question prompt more evidently. Remember to fully address all parts of the task, with a clearer distinction between the discussed views and your own opinion. This helps achieve a higher score.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • severe injuries
  • fatalities
  • base jumping
  • bull running
  • extreme skiing
  • safeguard
  • well-being
  • regulating
  • avoidable harm
  • healthcare costs
  • burdening
  • personal freedom
  • autonomy
  • training
  • equipment
  • mitigated
  • personal satisfaction
  • mental health benefits
  • resilience
  • adventure
  • assess risks
  • public safety
  • unnecessary healthcare costs
  • outright bans
  • balanced approach
  • stringent safety standards
  • mandatory training sessions
  • adequately informed
  • safeguarding
  • public health
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