Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #governments #ban #sports #freedom #activity

Nowadays,

people

have more choices in

sports

than in the past,

however

, some of them might be dangerous and might even threaten

human's

Change noun form

human

show examples

life.

Therefore

, some

people

want to set a limitation to join these insecure exercises. In my opinion, I partially agree with

this

stance, I think

people

can choose the

sports

they want, meanwhile, they should

also

follow several instructions or rules, the following content will list the reasons.

First,

some of the

sports

are not suitable for normal

people

such

as extreme

sports

. Without professional training, they might hurt themselves.

For example

, diving is an amazing way to explore the undersea world and visit

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

submarine lives.

While diving

Correct word choice

Diving

show examples

under the sea could be fatal when facing some emergent situations, like the disorder of the equipment,

lacking

Replace the word

lack

show examples

of oxygen and

encounter

Wrong verb form

encountering

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

unfriendly sealife.

Therefore

, the policy about

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

basic training before diving should be published, in order to reduce tragedies from the

freshmans

Correct your spelling

freshmen

show examples

Secondly

, protective equipment is

also

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

vital and basic for these

sports

. In certain

sports

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

protection is needed for either professionals or

freshmans

Correct your spelling

freshmen

show examples

, because even

the

Correct word choice

if the

show examples

former is more

skillful

Change the spelling

skilful

show examples

and experienced, they might get injured as well.

For instance

rockclimbing

Correct your spelling

rock climbing

show examples

is a challenging exercise, without the

assiatance

Correct your spelling

assistance

of anchors, safe belts and protective gloves, a steep wall could make a climbing expert drop down to the ground easily.

As a result

, every climber should follow the rules and instructions before they climb. In conclusion, because of potential risks, we should set up limitations

about

Change preposition

show examples

certain

exercise

Fix the agreement mistake

exercises

show examples

, these rules can not only protect our lives but

also

let us enjoy

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sports

easily.

Submitted by chaoweikevin on Sun Dec 10 2023

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coherence cohesion

Be sure to establish clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea for each paragraph. Your essay shows each paragraph covering different points, but better topic sentences will make the progression of ideas clearer. Also, work on ensuring that your ideas flow logically from one another, using a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to link your ideas and reinforce the structure.

task achievement

Your response covers both sides of the argument as well as your own opinion, which is good. However, you could have developed your main ideas further to enhance your score. Elaborate on your examples, ensuring they are fully fleshed out and linked back to the question prompt more evidently. Remember to fully address all parts of the task, with a clearer distinction between the discussed views and your own opinion. This helps achieve a higher score.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

271 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

severe injuries
fatalities
base jumping
bull running
extreme skiing
safeguard
well-being
regulating
avoidable harm
healthcare costs
burdening
personal freedom
autonomy
training
equipment
mitigated
personal satisfaction
mental health benefits
resilience
adventure
assess risks
public safety
unnecessary healthcare costs
outright bans
balanced approach
stringent safety standards
mandatory training sessions
adequately informed
safeguarding
public health

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