IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that children can learn about history by visiting museums, while others feel that there are better ways to learn about history. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is argued that exploring
museums
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 is one effective way to absorb
history
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 knowledge for
students
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.
However
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, others believe that
students
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 can learn
history
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 more effectively in other ways. In my opinion, the feasible measure to teach
history
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 to children should be mixing the two methods mentioned. On the one hand, most people think that visiting
museums
Use synonyms
 would help
students
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 have a deeper understanding of
history
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, which is completely reasonable.
This
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 is because
students
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 would get to observe relics, authentic ancient tools and weapons exhibited in
museums
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, which may lead them to imagine how the daily life of ancestors of human beings lived and visualize important historical events in an obvious way.
Moreover
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,
museums
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 often have been arranged in a chronological time order, which would support
students
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 to easily follow the content of historical events.
For example
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, the Museum
History
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 of
Vietnam
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 has arranged exhibition rooms from 10000 BC until 1975, the
ending
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end
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 time of the
Vietnam
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 War period.
Therefore
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, after viewers wander once
round
Correct your spelling
around
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, they may briefly understand
about
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apply
show examples
Vietnam
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's
history
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.
On the other hand
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,
students
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 may
also
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 learn more about
history
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via
Change preposition
in
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 some other ways. It could be visiting historical areas. Discovering historical sites can give them more chances to practically experience activities from old times, which may help them to remember historical knowledge effectively.
For instance
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, when children go for a visit to the Cu Chi tunnel, one of the most famous historical areas in
Vietnam
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, they can take part in the daily activities of citizens in Wartime. Since that,
students
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 partly
imagine
Wrong verb form
imagined
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 the
life
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lives
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 of people at that time.
Besides
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this
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, learning
history
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 through videos or the Internet is
also
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 an advantageous way.
This
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 is because
students
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 could approach historical pieces of information even if they no longer exist.
For example
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, Babylon was an ancient city, which completely disappeared from the world but now we still find information about
this
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 city by video on YouTube or some online newspapers. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
students
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 can completely digest historical knowledge by going to
museums
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 and visiting ruined areas or finding information on the Internet as well.

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task achievement
Your essay shows a clear position throughout, and you provide a good attempt to address all parts of the task, leading to a well-rounded argument. Make sure to fully address the question's task, including comparing the views and stating your own opinion distinctly.
coherence cohesion
While you have a good logical structure and clear paragraphs, make sure that every main point in the body paragraphs is explicitly supported by an example or justification to strengthen coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are distinct and clear, which is commendable. However, always ensure that the conclusion summarises your views coherently, reflecting back on the points discussed.
task achievement
You have used some relevant examples, but they need to be more detailed to enhance the effectiveness of the arguments. Whenever giving an example, ensure that it is substantial and well-explained to maximise its impact.
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