Children nowadays watch significantly more television than in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly. Why is this the case? What measures can you suggest to encourage higher levels of activity among children?

Pupils
these days are addicted to more and more watching TV than in the past, which is their day-to-day lifestyle
that is
missed. It is the problem they are addicted to the use of television. In
this
essay, I will discuss these problems and solutions. First of all, nowadays
pupils
are addicted to watching television because there are Love
video
games
and watching movies. For the more cartoon, they use a lot of social
media
.
For instance
,
video
games
like a car race after school they do not do any homework or any other activities. because they want to play
video
games
.
secondly
,
pupils
are used to watching cartoons and social
media
like Facebook, and Instagram. For the more TikTok.There are pros and
cons
but they don't know about that.
pupils
addicted to it more than education.
On the other hand
, if
pupils
do a daily activity like a social
media
video
game they are unfortunately deeply addicted to it. Parents have a responsibility to
pupils
if they are controlling.
For instance
, social
media
used by
pupils
has
cons
. Parents have to keep every time their children. Because
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
addict
cons
side. They
proget
Correct your spelling
project
they really
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
like education. For the more, they forget their families. In conception, in
this
case, I would like to say that
pupils
are using more and more television or
video
games
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is are huge
cons
Fix the agreement mistake
con
show examples
. They forget their education and they feed. because of
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
reason children are used to everything they can do it limited and that has
procure
Change the verb form
procured
show examples
more family and friends
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
educasions
Correct your spelling
educations
education
.
Submitted by manushamanu1024 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and cohesive structure, making it difficult to follow your points. Aim to organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea that is expanded upon with examples or explanations. Use linking words and phrases to connect your sentences and paragraphs smoothly.
task achievement
Your task response is insufficient as you have not fully addressed the prompt. Make sure to directly respond to both parts of the question: the reasons behind increased television watching and suggested measures to increase activity levels in children. Include examples and ensure that you offer a balanced discussion of both parts.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • accessibility
  • content
  • digital platforms
  • on-demand streaming services
  • babysitting
  • marketing
  • urban environments
  • structured screen time
  • physical activity
  • treasure hunts
  • educational campaigns
  • curriculum
  • after-school sports programs
  • gamification
  • fitness apps
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