People spend too much time on the internet. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays,the

internet

has become increasingly popular among us.People spend hours sitting on social media.In my opinion,

this

is not a positive development.I am prone to agree that we spend our valuable time on websites.It destroys us in a physical and

mentally

Change the word

mental

show examples

way.I will put forth some notions to exemplify my points with lucid examples.

To begin

with,in today's

society

Add a comma

society,

show examples

folks use

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

social apps too much.

This

has

a detrimental consequences

Correct the article-noun agreement

detrimental consequences

a detrimental consequence

show examples

related to their both mental and physical

health

.Overusing the sources of the

internet

can lead to a sedentary lifestyle which decreases body movement.

Consequently

,people become weak in a physical way.What is more,it is detrimental to mental

health

.The social network creates an addiction,if it is used for a bunch of time.

As a result

,addicted folks do not want to do anything,their mindset becomes poor and narrow.

For instance

,Scientists have proven the results of using

internet

sites.For the

last

decade,the thinking abilities of individuals have decreased,because of their addiction to the

internet

In addition

,I would to point out that,the government should take action in order to decline the usage of network sites.It will help the citizens for better

health

and life. In conclusion,the usage of the

internet

is detrimental to humans.We are wasting our lifetime and our value in

this

world.It

bad

Change the adjective

badly

show examples

affects our

health

and mindset.

Submitted by medet.khan774 on Sun Dec 10 2023

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

211 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

excessive
negatively affects
physical and mental health
decreased productivity
hinders personal growth
internet addiction
essential
numerous benefits
productive
educational
wisely
individual choice
responsibility
manage

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