Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

#people #life #money

Some folks view

happiness

By being wealthy,

While

happiness

can be measured by other things like success in success in work -

life

and so on.

This

essay will shed light on

this

phenomenon. People believe that materialistic things

such

as. Purchased fashion And trending attires , living

leisurely

Correct article usage

a leisurely

show examples

life

and travelling around the world would bring

happiness

to their lives.

Additionally

, becoming a wealthy person could put you in a high position in society which leads to feeling convenience and comfort. Unfortunately, nowadays gangster have been racing on concern from their parents that the happiest

life

comes from money .So

this

is an example of bad thoughts that are inherited by the next generation.

On the contrary

, there are several things that bring joy to our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

rather than money .

firstly

, the achievements of the individual even if it is simple will bring fulfilment and

happiness

Secondly

,the success in different aspects of

life

for instance

, in the professional aspect , promotion,increased income- salaries and high appreciation in the workplace. Another aspect is the personnel’s

life

which

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

lovely children

with

Correct word choice

and with

show examples

merciful wife all of those are delightful . In

Sum up

Correct your spelling

sum

show examples

,There is doubt about How people can believe in

happiness

and

could

Wrong verb form

can

show examples

be measured

according to

individual concerns.

Submitted by enasawad68 on Sun Dec 10 2023

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Task Achievement

Your essay addresses the topic but at times, the response veers off-topic or becomes unclear due to grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. To improve clarity, focus on the simplicity and accuracy of language.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your arguments are somewhat organized, but the essay lacks clear progression due to abrupt transitions and inconsistent topic maintenance. Use well-structured paragraphs and connective words to improve the flow of your essay.

Task Achievement

Your essay provides some support for your main points, but the examples lack specificity and are at times irrelevant. To strengthen your essay, use concrete examples that directly relate to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

208 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Financial security
Basic needs
Comfort
Luxury
Freedom
Altruistic
Philanthropy
Nurturing relationships
Fulfillment
Sense of accomplishment
Physical well-being
Spiritual beliefs
Community involvement
Gratitude
Mindfulness
Simple pleasures

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Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Fully explain your ideas

Although there are number of gyms, people are leading a sedentary lifestyle. Discuss the problems associated with these issues and give the solutions for the same.

In many countries, the quality of life in the large cities is worsening. What possibly can cause this problem? What measures can be taken to resolve it?

There is a general increase in anti-social behaviours and lack of respect for others. What are the causes and solutions?

The movements of people from the villages to the cities for work has caused a lots of problems in both places. What are the serious problems associated with this? What measures can be taken to solve these problems?