Video games are very popular with children. However, some parents feel that video games can have a negative impact on their children, but others believe that they may have some positive effects. How do you feel about children playing video games? Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Currently,playing
videogames
Correct your spelling
video games
have
become increasingly popular among students,Change the verb form
has
While
some people argue that this
can affect on
their Change preposition
apply
health
and behaviour,the
rest of adults it can be beneficial for children. I strongly believe that online Change preposition
for the
games
is
harmful for kids,as they spend too much time playing them.In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall expound my thoughts in detail.
Change the verb form
are
To begin
with,We often see that young
generation Correct article usage
the young
spend
too much time playing Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
variuos
Correct your spelling
various
games
.It can be detrimental for
their Change preposition
to
health
.Sitting and playing for hours can cause different ilnesses
and can be a huge problem in the future.Correct your spelling
illnesses
Furthermore
,engaging videoplays
excessively leads to reduced Correct your spelling
video plays
phisycal
activity,bad posture and vision problems. Correct your spelling
physical
For instance
,As we know,eSportsmens
have Correct your spelling
sportsmen
weak
Add an article
a weak
the weak
appearance
as they play too much.Many of them are skinny and wear glasses.Which shows the results of overusing the computers.Fix the agreement mistake
appearances
Finally
,overwatching the screen of a computer or phone can affect badly on your appearance.
In addition
,videogames
ruin Correct your spelling
video games
a
mental Correct article usage
the
health
of young guys and develop their addiction to games
.They will spend plenty of hours of the day on the displays of gadjets
and they will think that it is fine.Correct your spelling
gadgets
However
,unfortunately,It has already destroyed their mental health
.As a result
,they have become adictive
to Correct your spelling
addictive
games
.For instance
,it can be clearly shown on
their thinking abilities.Students who play too much Change preposition
in
videogames
are less capable Correct your spelling
video games
to think
quickly than people who lead an active lifestyle.
Change preposition
of thinking
To sum up
, While
,the majority of adults believe that they are good to children. I am convinced that online games
are damaging to children since they spend too much time playing them.Submitted by medet.khan774 on
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusions are present, but they are not sufficiently developed or clear. To improve, provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction and a summarized restatement of your key points in your conclusion. This will help frame your essay more effectively for the reader.
coherence cohesion
There is some evidence of logical structure, but the essay lacks clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Use cohesive devices such as 'firstly,' 'secondly,' 'in addition,' and 'consequently' to link ideas and paragraphs, providing a smoother flow and making your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The main points are somewhat supported by explanations or examples, but they need to be more fully developed and specific. Expand on your ideas with precise examples or data to illustrate your points clearly and enhance your argument.
task achievement
The response addresses the task, but it does not cover all parts fully or evenly. Ensure that you answer all aspects of the question comprehensively, discussing both potential negative and positive effects of video games on children, as per the prompt.
task achievement
While ideas related to the topic are presented, they need to be expressed more comprehensively. Elaborate on your ideas with more depth and explanation to clearly communicate your point of view to the reader.
task achievement
Specific examples are provided, but they lack detail and relevance. Reference real-life instances, research findings, or statistics that directly relate to the argument you are trying to make. This will enhance the persuasive quality of your essay.