IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, young people communicate with friends and family mostly through social networking sites, rather than other ways of communication like talking on the phone or face to face. Do you think this is a positive or negative development

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In The fast-moving world, There are a lot of communication devices to interact with one another.
However
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, young adults prefer social media
such
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 as Facebook, WhatsApp, Twitter etc
instead
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 of traditional ways of conversation like telephone and face-to-face for developing their bonding.
according to
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 me, it is a negative development as it never gives us real feelings of friendship and
this
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 can cause some social evils.
firstly
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, Even though Communication through social networking ground can be considered the easiest way to be in touch, it will not give us a real sense of interaction as physical.
for instance
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, when we feel alone we just post a status to expose us to our friends on Facebook, but they just scroll the feed and put a like and a comment. those people are not even ready to ask what happened.
Conversely
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, if it is
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a
show examples
direct connection, they will definitely show their proper concern for my feelings.
secondly
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, Many people use these social sites to earn popularity. Most of them consider these sites as a leisure tool. today, many individuals post conspiracy theories on Facebook and Twitter online on a daily basis which can create many social problems.
such
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 as gossiping and creating rumours about others.
Furthermore
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, we all do not accept these as a real mode of contact. In conclusion,
although
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 these networking sites help us to stay connected always, these have their own demerits
such
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 lack of satisfaction with the traditional mode of exchanging feelings. and
also
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, it can create some detrimental effects for their user. and
hence
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 I believe it is a negative development.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay needs to have a more logical structure, where ideas flow naturally from one to the other. This would entail a clear introduction, several body paragraphs each with a unique point supported by examples or explanations, and a summarizing conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
For a higher score, it is important that the main points be fully developed with relevant, detailed, and specific examples that support the argument. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, and the link between them needs to be clear.
Task Achievement
To achieve a better score in task achievement, ensure you address all parts of the task. While your response does touch upon the question, it needs to clearly present both sides of the argument before reaching a conclusion, even if the conclusion leans towards one view.
Task Achievement
Your ideas need to be expressed more clearly. Introduce each paragraph with a topic sentence, then explain your point fully before concluding the paragraph. This will make your arguments more comprehensive and easier to follow.
Task Achievement
Include examples that are directly relevant to your points, preferably drawn from real-life situations or credible sources. This is essential to demonstrate your argument effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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