Write about the following topic: Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Happiness
is one of the most important
feelings
in the life of every
person
. In society, some
people
wonder why is it difficult to describe
happiness
and what should they adhere to reach
happiness
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
I will try to find
Add an article
the answer
an answer
show examples
answer
Fix the agreement mistake
answers
show examples
to
questions
Correct article usage
the questions
show examples
,
why
Change preposition
of why
show examples
people
can not describe it and what should they do to reach
happiness
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
Why society can not describe
happiness
? Some
people
think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
happiness
is one of the most pleasant
feelings
in human life. In my opinion, the reason is - not a physical phenomenon, so
people
are unable to describe
this
Change the determiner
this feeling
these feelings
show examples
feelings
. I think,
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
because we can not touch or feel it and other types of human
feelings
like anger, fear
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. I consider that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
every
person
feels it differently.
For example
, water is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
factor of
happines
Correct your spelling
happiness
for many
people
or
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
car
,
Correct word choice
or, new
show examples
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
smartphone. Some
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
give
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
type of examples, they think that
happiness
is a good,
careing
Correct your spelling
caring
family. For some
people
,
happiness
is - having a good job, and for others to have a caring, loving
person
. What factors are important in achieving
happiness
? I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
every
person
on earth deserves
happiness
. I think,
people
should work hard, be positive, reach their own goals in life, and help others at the same time. I hope
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
factors will help to achieve their goals and
happiness
. Support is
also
one of the main factors.
For example
, Janibek has found
happiness
in his girlfriend. She always supports him to help him reach his goals. Amanbek is happy because he can help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others. My mom is happy to have a good family. Miss Ais is happy because she has found
charming
Add an article
a charming
the charming
show examples
person
who has bought her an
Iphone
Correct your spelling
iPhone
13.
Submitted by aistmenr6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure, making it difficult to follow the progression of ideas. It should have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should center on a single main idea with supporting sentences that develop that idea.
introduction/conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are not clearly demarcated and they do not effectively outline or summarize the main points of the essay.
supporting examples
While there is an attempt to support the main points with examples, they are quite general and lack specificity; including more detailed and relevant examples would strengthen the argument.
task response
The response only partially addresses the task. The question prompts were not fully explored, and the essay wandered off-topic at times. Responses should focus more directly on the questions asked.
coherence
There are repetitive ideas and a lack of a range of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases. Additionally, better paragraphing with a clear main idea for each would enhance the readability and organization of the text.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: