IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or dis agree.

#universities #numbers #students #dis
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In the realm of education, there is a perennial debate revolving around whether university
comittees
Correct your spelling
committees
 should accept
same
Change the article
a same
the same
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of men and women students in each subject. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, I am inclined to believe that they should not do it
due to
Linking Words
 the different demands and no robust argument. It could be argued that every college student has different
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 regardless of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sex, so trying to equalize the
number
Use synonyms
 of
attenders
Correct your spelling
attendees
show examples
 in each class would be difficult. In many cases, the
number
Use synonyms
 of male and female students would be different. There are,
for instance
Linking Words
, several
female
Change to a plural noun
females
show examples
 tend to choose humanity fields and others tend to STEM (science, tech, engineering, and math).
As a consequence
Linking Words
, in some
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
, women are
dominate
Replace the word
dominant
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 others are vice
viersa
Correct your spelling
versa
.
This
Linking Words
 trend took place because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the fact
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
no relationship between gender and
selected
Correct article usage
the selected
show examples
 course. It should not be forgotten that there is a vague goal
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 equalize the
number
Use synonyms
. There are those who think that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar
number
Use synonyms
 is part of affirmative action. Needless to say, affirmative action should be implemented in the bigger
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as the
number
Use synonyms
 of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
house
representative
Fix the agreement mistake
representatives
show examples
, political
party
Fix the agreement mistake
parties
show examples
, and civil
societies member
Fix the agreement mistake
society members
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
sex-based
Add an article
the sex-based
a sex-based
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of students in certain classes is not a crucial and vital issue. There is no firm argument to equalize
this
Linking Words
 figure. To take everything into account, the university
comitte
Correct your spelling
committee
committed
 should not balance the
number
Use synonyms
 of sex because of two reasons, which are distinct
interests
Change the noun form
interest
show examples
 courses and no strong reason.
Submitted by wiwinwindiahadi on

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coherence cohesion
You should ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction and conclusion should be distinct paragraphs that frame your argument appropriately.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay requires improvement. Work on creating more defined paragraphs, each with a clear main idea that is expanded upon with supporting sentences.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples or explanations to better develop your argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
Your response should directly address the prompt in its entirety. Ensure that each part of the question is answered and that your position is clear throughout the essay.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively to showcase a deeper understanding of the topic. Use more complex structures and vocabulary to express your ideas fluently and accurately.
task achievement
Incorporate specific examples that are directly relevant to the topic to strengthen your argument. These examples should clearly support the points you are making and be well-integrated into your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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