Excess use of technology has caused several environmental issues. Some people believe that in order to solve these problems, people need to live simple lives. However, others believe that only technology can solve the problems that are being caused by itself. Discuss both views and give your opinion

As
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
digitization is taking the world by
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
storm, more and more individuals rely on technology in their everyday life, even for the most trivial things.
This
over-dependence has exacerbated the environmental conditions. Leading people to infer that only by abandoning all the technologies can we save
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mother
nature
.
However
,
this
ideology meets with great opposition, and rightfully so, as there are others who believe that
further
technological
developments
of greener ways
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
the sole aid for environmental conservation. Since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mankind has stepped into industrialization, we have been mostly emphasizing on the progressing
further
.
Initially
,
the
Change the word
our
show examples
capitalist mindset
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ours
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
made us ignorant towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
, and selfishly thought about just the profit gains.
Roots
Correct article usage
The roots
show examples
of
this
are quite apparent in our present, as we now rely on some technological
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
for almost all our tasks.
This
essentially means that industries are now running 24x7 to meet the
never ending
Add a hyphen
never-ending
show examples
demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
products, inevitably increasing the global carbon footprint. Not only that but because of increase in the demand, we are perpetually producing more and more
energy
, and thermal plants, perhaps the biggest perpetrator of
nature
Change noun form
nature's
show examples
devastation, is the place where most of the
energy
is generated.
Thus
, leaving all
this
behind and resorting to the conventional ways of life is considered by many.
Although
it’s set in stone that these
developments
have brought
such
tragedies upon the environment, the current
developments
in technology are writing a new chapter to the story. Now, it is not uncommon to find companies which are working on convenience without perpetually forsaking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
. Tesla,
for example
,
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
been making ground-breaking innovations, their electric cars are a gift to humanity, which are spreading their roots beyond
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
States. Not
just
Rephrase
only
show examples
that but Tesla has been working on their take
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
solar
roof
Fix the agreement mistake
roofs
show examples
. But Solar panels couldn’t solve global
energy
problems in the past,
then
how is
this
any different? One may ask.
This
project of theirs, which is now starting to appear commercially, has proven to be much more efficient than the traditional panels, so much so that a typical house can not only fulfil its own
energy
needs but
also
provide surplus
energy
to the state grid.
Thus
,
such
feats go to show that
developments
are currently headed on a
self redeeming
Add a hyphen
self-redeeming
show examples
path. At
last
Add a comma
last,
show examples
it can be inferred that despite the fact that technological advancements have brought the conditions to a point
a point
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
of chronic worry, it is on its way to
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
things for the better. Inventions which were previously made for the sole factor of easier life are now
also
focused on saving
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
alongside
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by mdkaur84 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
While your essay maintains a logical structure, some improvements could be made to ensure a more cohesive flow of ideas. Transitions could be better utilized to connect paragraphs and main points. Aim to include clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that succinctly introduce the reader to the central idea that paragraph will discuss, followed by explanatory sentences that expand on that idea in a careful, step-by-step manner.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task and presented a discussion of both viewpoints, as well as your opinion. However, to score higher, you could provide a more balanced discussion of the opposing views with deeper exploration and equal development of each side. Including more specific examples and evidences to support your points would enhance your argumentation. Make sure that your conclusion summarizes your discussion and reiterates your opinion clearly and succinctly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: