Excess use of technology has caused several environmental issues. Some people believe that in order to solve these problems, people need to live simple lives. However, others believe that only technology can solve the problems that are being caused by itself. Discuss both views and give your opinion
As
the
digitization is taking the world by Correct article usage
apply
a
storm, more and more individuals rely on technology in their everyday life, even for the most trivial things. Correct article usage
apply
This
over-dependence has exacerbated the environmental conditions. Leading people to infer that only by abandoning all the technologies can we save our
mother Correct pronoun usage
apply
nature
. However
, this
ideology meets with great opposition, and rightfully so, as there are others who believe that further
technological developments
of greener ways is
the sole aid for environmental conservation.
Since Change the verb form
are
the
mankind has stepped into industrialization, we have been mostly emphasizing on the progressing Correct article usage
apply
further
. Initially
, the
capitalist mindset Change the word
our
of
Change preposition
apply
ours
made us ignorant towards Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
nature
, and selfishly thought about just the profit gains. Roots
of Correct article usage
The roots
this
are quite apparent in our present, as we now rely on some technological gadget
for almost all our tasks. Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
This
essentially means that industries are now running 24x7 to meet the never ending
demand Add a hyphen
never-ending
of
products, inevitably increasing the global carbon footprint. Not only that but because of increase in the demand, we are perpetually producing more and more Change preposition
for
energy
, and thermal plants, perhaps the biggest perpetrator of nature
devastation, is the place where most of the Change noun form
nature's
energy
is generated. Thus
, leaving all this
behind and resorting to the conventional ways of life is considered by many.
Although
it’s set in stone that these developments
have brought such
tragedies upon the environment, the current developments
in technology are writing a new chapter to the story. Now, it is not uncommon to find companies which are working on convenience without perpetually forsaking the
Correct article usage
apply
nature
. Tesla, for example
, have
been making ground-breaking innovations, their electric cars are a gift to humanity, which are spreading their roots beyond Change the verb form
has
United
States. Not Correct article usage
the United
just
that but Tesla has been working on their take Rephrase
only
of
solar Change preposition
on
roof
. But Solar panels couldn’t solve global Fix the agreement mistake
roofs
energy
problems in the past, then
how is this
any different? One may ask. This
project of theirs, which is now starting to appear commercially, has proven to be much more efficient than the traditional panels, so much so that a typical house can not only fulfil its own energy
needs but also
provide surplus energy
to the state grid. Thus
, such
feats go to show that developments
are currently headed on a self redeeming
path.
At Add a hyphen
self-redeeming
last
it can be inferred that despite the fact that technological advancements have brought the conditions to a point Add a comma
last,
a point
of chronic worry, it is on its way to Remove the redundancy
apply
improve
things for the better. Inventions which were previously made for the sole factor of easier life are now Wrong verb form
improving
also
focused on saving environment
Correct article usage
the environment
alongside
.Change preposition
apply
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Coherence & Cohesion
While your essay maintains a logical structure, some improvements could be made to ensure a more cohesive flow of ideas. Transitions could be better utilized to connect paragraphs and main points. Aim to include clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that succinctly introduce the reader to the central idea that paragraph will discuss, followed by explanatory sentences that expand on that idea in a careful, step-by-step manner.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task and presented a discussion of both viewpoints, as well as your opinion. However, to score higher, you could provide a more balanced discussion of the opposing views with deeper exploration and equal development of each side. Including more specific examples and evidences to support your points would enhance your argumentation. Make sure that your conclusion summarizes your discussion and reiterates your opinion clearly and succinctly.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example