IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Schools should use films, computers and games instead of books. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #films #computers #games #books
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Nowadays, the
education
Use synonyms
 system after the pandemic has changed some schools and universities have started using e-learning
such
Linking Words
 as recorded sessions or virtual meetings by including smartphones and laptops,
whereas
Linking Words
 other schools still use traditional
education
Use synonyms
 materials and books, in
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views.
First,
Linking Words
most private schools use technology in their learning methodology which helps the students to enhance and improve their skills,
therefore
Linking Words
, the new generations are knowledgeable about e-learning and they are learning very fast.
For instance
Linking Words
, the new
education
Use synonyms
 system's quality of deliverables keeps improving.
second,
Linking Words
the learning system which still prefers to use books as part of their learning path usually
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 more opportunity to all students to develop their reading skills and helps them to have a better understanding of what they are learning.
Nevertheless
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, the
education
Use synonyms
 community believe that using films or computer should not be the main source of
education
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 totally agree that there's a real value for the new learning materials to change the traditional way of learning.
For instance
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 is one of the most important investments that everyone in society needs
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 it is one of the main
source
Change to a plural noun
sources
show examples
 in any country responsible for creating a future for all students.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government should give more attention to the learning materials and why our society will
be benefits
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
, the quality of
education
Use synonyms
 will reflect on everyone in the citizen.
Submitted by yassinm1211 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents your viewpoint and previews the main points that will be discussed in the essay, to give a roadmap to the reader.
introduction conclusion present
Include a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the essay question with a clear extent of agreement or disagreement.
supported main points
Develop the main points with specific examples and explanations to clearly demonstrate how they support your viewpoint, ensuring they directly relate to the essay topic.
logical structure
Structure your essay logically by organizing your ideas into well-developed paragraphs with topic sentences that signal the main idea and correct use of linking words to show the relationship between ideas.
supported main points
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that all parts of the paragraph cohesively support this idea. Avoid introducing unrelated points.
introduction conclusion present
Clearly restate your position in the conclusion and summarize the main points of the essay, ensuring consistency with your overall argument.
complete response
Complete the task with a well-developed response, addressing all parts of the task with a balanced discussion of the topic, and provide a clear overall position throughout the response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clearly express your ideas with a range of vocabulary and sentence structures, although some grammatical errors and spelling mistakes are permitted, they should not impede communication.
relevant specific examples
Include relevant examples to support your main points. These examples should be specific and clearly linked to the points they illustrate.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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