IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

1.Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on protection of wild animals, and that money could be better spent on human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option?

#people #amount #time #money #protection #animals #population #option
Colossal resources for wildlife protection are a controversial topic nowadays. There are a majority
believe
Correct pronoun usage
who believe
show examples
 that it should be allocated to human benefit. I hold the opposite view that society should respect the value of nature and spend a host of money and time to preserve our balanced ecological and biodiverse system which could be beneficial for both the human and the environment in the long run.
This
 essay will provide some explanations as to why
Correct article usage
the gorvernment
show examples
gorvernment
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 should pay attention and put more effort into endangered species. First of all, when it comes to endangered creatures on the Earth, we are now fully aware of how great impact
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
on
Add a missing verb
has on
show examples
 general
humankinds
Correct your spelling
humankind
 not a specific group of
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
individuals. The missing of every single species in the thousands of fauna could seriously threaten the disruption of the food chain.
For example
, if predators like tigers and lions disappeared,
this
 could gradually lead to the extinction of prey like buffalo, deer and so on.
This
 phenomenon has well explained the vital role of the former in terms of stimulating the latter survival abilities in the wild environment.
On the other hand
, it is obvious how much human beings'
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
reply
Correct your spelling
rely
show examples
 on wild species when it comes to the medical aspect. Precious and rare medical elements can deter people from deceases
such
 as cancer and Alzheimer which have been successfully found in the immune systems of wild animals. It has been saving millions of people from serious deceases and offering them a longer and stronger life. In conclusion, I firmly assert how imperative animals are to humankind and the sustainability of societal growth. It’s extremely unwise to downplay the reality of the unbalanced ecological and biodiverse systems and have the notion that the funding allocated to preserve the environment for them is verging excess, government should even
Correct your spelling
prioritize
priotize a d
Correct your spelling
prioritise and
 spend more
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
 activity unless
otherwise
, will definitely pay a higher
pric
Correct your spelling
price
 save our lives
Submitted by hoangthoakinhte on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint, avoiding broad or unfocused statements.
Body Paragraphs
Develop main ideas thoroughly with relevant supporting details and examples. Specific examples help to illustrate and strengthen your points.
Conclusion
Work on crafting a coherent conclusion that effectively summarizes the main points and restates the position, providing a sense of closure.
Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to structure the essay and ideas appropriately.
Task Response
Address all parts of the task, ensuring that your response is relevant to the question asked. Develop your arguments fully in support of your viewpoint.
Grammar and Accuracy
Proofread your work to avoid grammatical errors and ensure accurate vocabulary usage. Errors can occasionally detract from the clarity of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: