IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

#people #work #company #organization #be #case
There is no doubt that these days individuals
people
 have their own businesses and
work
 for themselves in
this
 contemporary have increased more than that. Some
people
 believe that working for yourself is a benefit and there are not any disadvantages
while
 others believe that it is drawbacks to be self-employed. In
this
 essay, I am going to discuss the drawbacks and draw my own opinion. In terms of disadvantages, the employees who have not worked in a
company
 or establishment haven’t discipline and flexibility for
work
 hours have not committed to deadlines, and might be absent a day. The main reason given to support
this
 claim is that
work
 own business makes your commitment down and decreases your corporate with others. To illustrate, there were surveys in hometowns that asked
people
 who worked as own businesses to have less confidence and communication than
people
 who worked in a
company
 or organization.
In other words
, working in a
company
 or with colleagues makes you more confident and have discipline and flexibility. In conclusion,
although
 there will be some challenges for your business and less expectation for success in my perspective
work
 in a
company
 or establishment beginning your career come up with ideas and experiences.
Submitted by luhana.chii on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure, making it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. It's important to organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a single focus. Always begin with an introduction that states the topic and your thesis, followed by body paragraphs that each present a single clear idea supported by examples or evidence, and conclude with a paragraph that summarises your main points and restates your thesis.
task achievement
Your essay fails to adequately answer the task question. Both parts of the prompt should be addressed equally, discussing the reasons why many choose to be self-employed and the disadvantages of self-employment. Specific and relevant examples or evidence are scarce, weakening your argument. Ensure that each point you make is directly tied back to the question, demonstrating a clear understanding and response to the task.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employed
  • company
  • organization
  • freedom
  • independence
  • income potential
  • flexibility
  • working hours
  • working location
  • passions
  • interests
  • decision-making
  • business practices
  • disadvantages
What to do next:
Look at other essays: