IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think university education should prepare students for employment while others think it should help students acquire theoretical knowledge. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In contemporary society, the goal of
university
Use synonyms
education
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 has consistently been a topic of interest among the masses.
While
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 some individuals are firmly convinced that it should equip
students
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 with practical
skills
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 relevant to the workplace, a considerable amount of others posit it should aid
students
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 in acquiring theoretical
knowledge
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.
Although
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 I do acknowledge that both sides have their merits, I lean more towards the former. On the
one
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 hand, obviously,
university
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 is the
last
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education
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 step for the general public. After that, people need to start their career life. People do not innate employ abilities which are essential in the workplace,
however
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, those are difficult to learn by just individuals.
For example
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, teamwork, project management, presentation
skills
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 and so on can make oneself an outstanding employee.
while
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 those
skills
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 could only be learned through several cooperation experiences and genuine feedback, given by professors and classmates in the
university
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.
Furthermore
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, interpersonal relationship
skills
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 learned by classmates could
also
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 be the important factors that could gorgeous
one
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's work-life.
On the other hand
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, there is no denying that
students
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 can acquire in-depth theoretical understanding and critical thinking in
university
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 through enormous topics courses, exams and daily homework. Theoretical
knowledge
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 is the foundation of innovation and contributes to a well-rounded
education
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, and it cannot be forgotten throughout
university
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education
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. In my opinion, the
university
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's main goal is to prepare
students
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 for employee life and the potential for
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students
Change noun form
students'
student's
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lack of theoretical understanding is an invalid concern. People can acquire
knowledge
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 throughout
one
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's whole life,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 means that as long as a person still wants to enhance
one
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's academic
knowledge
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 is never too late to learn.
However
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, it would be hard for
students
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 to gain achievements if they do not specialize in working abilities. In conclusion, subsequent to an extensive and discerning appraisal of myriad aspects inherent to these perspectives, my allegiance that
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
 should develop
students
Use synonyms
 with practical employment
skills
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 is steadfastly consolidated and remains incontrovertibly firm.

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the task, providing a balanced discussion of both views before presenting your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Work on clarity by organizing ideas and arguments in a more logical and structured way. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
task achievement
Expand on the examples provided to better illustrate the points you are making and to increase the relevance to the given topic.
coherence cohesion
Focus on paragraphing; every new point should start with a new paragraph. Link your ideas between paragraphs more explicitly to improve essay flow.
coherence cohesion
To strengthen main points, provide more detailed analysis and explanation rather than just stating them. This can demonstrate greater analytical thinking and depth of understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • employability
  • workforce
  • internships
  • hands-on training
  • career guidance
  • theoretical understanding
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • innovation
  • specializing
  • underlying principles
  • real-world situations
  • flexible curriculum
  • personalized learning paths
What to do next:
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