IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that are more important environmental problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
A group of people declare that nowadays special creatures of biodiversity are in danger of extinction which is the major environmental issue. The rest of them argue that there are other environmental problems that are more important. I think both views are important because both of them act like
domino
Add an article
a domino
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 effect. There are a number of reasons why losing special flora and fauna could be the main problem in the
environment
.
Firstly
, the equal balance disrupts, and the
environment
 faces
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
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 consequences.
This
 means that every creature plays a unique role in the ecosystem, and they interconnect with other living things.
As a result
, their loss causes not only other species but
also
 the whole
environment
 close to death.
Secondly
, losing those species
also
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
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 in a vulnerable
environment
 because it cannot recreate the species.
For example
, if a plant class
disappeared
Wrong verb form
disappears
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, which
curb
Correct subject-verb agreement
curbs
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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water
 pollution, all aquatic creatures may go extinct.
Therefore
, the loss
lead
Change the verb form
leads
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 to a chain reaction of negative effects.
On the other hand
, there are some other big environmental problems that can be key figures. Destroying forests and agricultural lands so as to build more apartments increases different pollution
such
 as air, soil and
water
. When trees are cut, the soil is liable to erode, leading to polluted
water
 and a
various
Correct word choice
large
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 number of animals and plants lose their habitat.
Also
, human activities increase
green house
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
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 gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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rising
Correct your spelling
raising
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 global
temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
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 and melting
iceberg
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icebergs
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.
This
 causes
water
rise
Fix the infinitive
to rise
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 and disturbs the ecosystem.
Thus
, deforestation and greenhouse
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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 have a detrimental effect on the
environment
. In conclusion,
while
 caring for individual creatures is necessary for the
environment
, it is important to pay attention to the rest of the environmental problems. I think both arguments complete each other and even the second one has a major impact on the first one in a way
that is
 a fraction of the whole. (315)
Submitted by zahra.hmt88 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Your introduction should clearly state what will be discussed, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on one central idea, and a conclusion that summarizes and restates your opinion. Your essay showed a fair sense of organization, but the connection between ideas could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to fully develop your main points. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Your essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task achievement, ensure that you answer all parts of the prompt thoroughly. Include clear, developed arguments for both views and your own opinion. While you addressed both views and your opinion, deeper analysis and more developed ideas would enhance your task response.
task achievement
Use a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely. Avoid repetition and aim to demonstrate syntactic variety and lexical resource. This would help to convey your points more effectively and enhance your language score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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