IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Scientist agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#scientist #people #health #junk #food #education #work
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It is crystal clear that by eating unhealthy meal human risks their life.It is proven that fast food is
harmfull
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harmful
for
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to
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human
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the human
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 body by scientists.I believe that
people
 will become visor by studying on
this
 field which I will analyze my twofold reasons in
this
 essay. From a social standpoint by studying more about health issues
people
 learn more about the
disease
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diseases
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 which can appear by not having a proper diet so they will be familyer with different
kind
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kinds
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 of suffering and they will quit eating bad food
to
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in
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 some circumstances
.in
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apply
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conclusion
studing
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studying
 can boost
people
 knowledge on not having a safe diet . In the realm of humanity you can not diverse
people
 to the one who
are
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is
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 more knowledgeable and the one who can not understand health problem ;to shed light on that, we can see someone who has special disciplines about diet habits but
do
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does
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 not have any
especiall
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special
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 on bad food .In conclusion ,it does not depend on not only
studing
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studying
 but
also
experience
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the experience
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 of
people
. In conclusion,I agree
to
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with
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 the fact that
studing
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studying
 can boost my experience and knowledge of healthy
habit
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habits
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 of eating in order it will
cause
Verb problem
result
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 in a healthier body.
Submitted by sajad.bazdar.2012 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure. Consider organizing your ideas into well-defined paragraphs, each supporting a single main point with relevant examples and transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be much clearer and directly address the prompt. Make sure your opinion is stated unequivocally, and the introduction sets up the discussion for both views.
coherence cohesion
Your main points need better support and development. Use specific examples and evidence to back up your claims and explain how they relate to the topic. Avoid making general statements without elaboration.
task achievement
The response to the task is incomplete as it does not fully discuss both views on the issue before giving an opinion. You must clearly represent the arguments for both education and its alternatives.
task achievement
Ideas presented are vague and not comprehensive. Aim for clarity and depth in your ideas by defining key terms and explaining the significance of the points you raise. Expand on how and why education impacts eating habits.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples is limited and weakens the effectiveness of your argument. Include more detailed and relevant examples to strengthen your discussion and illustrate your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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