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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #choices
It is argued that
people
 have a wide range of
choices
 in today’s society.
Although
 I think
people
 have an abundance of
choice
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choices
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, they are limited. There are some reasons to support
this
 idea. As technology has progressed nowadays,
people
 are encircled by the sheer number of
options
 they need to decide to select.
In other words
, technology is available everywhere, which would offer at least three
options
 for a single choice.
For example
, when I want to buy a bottle of milk online, the site shows me different available
options
such
 as low-fat, cow’s milk
or
Correct word choice
apply
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coconut or different litter and the like. In
this
 situation, I may mix up and choosing one of the selections takes my time.
Thus
,
people
 are bombarded with a lot of
choices
 because of technology.
However
, nowadays
people’s
 need is more and the selections are not too many.
People’s
 desires have become different, so they need to find out the best option.
This
 means that
,
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apply
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people
 would consume something fresh as much as possible or just for one specific amount and time.
Also
, everyone has their own
favorite
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favourite
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color
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colour
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, taste, and desire. If I
magine
Correct your spelling
imagine
 a house with five dwellers liking ordering
an
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apply
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icecream
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ice cream
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 in
different
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a different
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flavor
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flavour
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, the store has to present them
five
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with five
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choices
 at least.
As a result
, sometimes
people
 cannot find their key demands.
Therefore
, there are not enough available of
choices
as
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available as
show examples
people’s
 wants have been changed. In conclusion, having too many
choices
 depends on different perspectives and
people’s
 needs. I believe that
although
people
 find themselves overwhelmed by an excessive number of
options
, sometimes they have to choose among the available
options
, not what they really want.
Submitted by zahra.hmt88 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that all main points are fully developed and well-supported. Although your essay had structure, some supporting points were not entirely clear or developed in depth. Try to expand on each idea with specific details and examples that relate directly back to the prompt.
task achievement
You should aim to present a clear position throughout the essay. Your thesis statement in the introduction should be clearer and the conclusion should restate your position more definitively. Provide a balanced discussion, but ensure your opinion is clear and consistent throughout.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
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