IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country, while some people think it is bad. Discuss both views and state your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Many individuals say
that is
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 a good step for the
country
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 to become a
host
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 in an international
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sport
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sports
show examples
event
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, but other people think
that is
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 not good. I believe that hosting an international
event
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 excellent way because it brings
income
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 to the hotel.
However
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, there is a preparation that
country
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 has to do
that is
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 to build stadium
facilities
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. The benefit of becoming an international
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sport
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sports
show examples
event
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host
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 is many of the accommodation business sectors can increase their profit because every delegation who come from different countries need a hotel during the
event
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.
For example
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, when Indonesia became a
host
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 of
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sport
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sports events
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event
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 many hotels were fully booked, and it made their
income
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 grow. Government,
on the other hand
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, need to prepare all
facilities
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 for that
event
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. The Government has to spend a big budget to renovate, and they make sure all infrastructure in the stadium is well organized
,
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apply
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 because
facilities
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 are a prominent aspect of an international
event
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.
For instance
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, the stadium needs many rooms for the athlete to change their clothe and to take a rest, and
facilities
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 for the audience who come to watch that competition. All countries, in my viewpoint, need to
host
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 international competition because it leads to growth in the economic sector,
such
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 as accommodation.
However
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, there is a consequence that the government is concerned about how much money, they need to improve
sport
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 infrastructure. After the competition events, the
country
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 can get positive feedback on their
income
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. In conclusion, the
country
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 that wants to be a
host
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 of an international
event
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 needs to allocate their money to pay for all activities in that
event
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.
Moreover
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, the hosting
country
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 of international events,
such
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 as
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sport
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sports
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, will increase their potential
income
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 in the accommodation sector during that
event
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.

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Coherence & Cohesion
You need to ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. While there is an attempt to organize ideas, there is room for improvement to ensure that the flow of the essay is natural and that paragraphs are internally coherent. Use clear topic sentences and make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that contributes to the overall position of the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but could be clearer and more developed. In the introduction, clearly outline both views and your own opinion. The conclusion should effectively summarize the content and restate your opinion with finality. Refrain from introducing new ideas in the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
While main points are supported with examples or explanations, they need further development to be fully convincing. Try to elaborate on your points with detailed examples and deeper analysis to enhance their impact. Avoid vague statements by providing specific details.
Task Achievement
Ensure that the response fully addresses all parts of the task. The essay must cover both views and your own opinion in equal measure. Work on developing a balance between discussing the views and explaining your position to meet the requirements of the task completely.
Task Achievement
Ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Work on the clarity of your arguments by using precise language and carefully considering word choice. Make sure that your ideas are developed thoroughly and presented in a way that is easily understood by the reader.
Task Achievement
While the essay features some relevant examples, they are not consistently specific or detailed. To improve task achievement, incorporate a range of relevant and specific examples and ensure they directly support the points you are making. This will help illustrate your arguments more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic boost
  • infrastructure
  • national pride
  • cultural showcase
  • inspire a generation
  • temporary boost
  • environmental concerns
  • sustainable planning
  • public funds
  • divert resources
  • tourism influx
  • job opportunities
  • sports development
  • public health
  • construction
  • strategic investment
  • global audience
  • hospitality
  • public services
  • cost-benefit analysis
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