IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Success is often measured in terms of how much money somebody has earned. Do you think wealth is a good measure of success? How else could we measure whether somebody is successful or not?

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In the globalized world,
money
Use synonyms
 has gained more importance.
Therefore
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, some argue that
success
Use synonyms
 is evaluated by how much
money
Use synonyms
 somebody has earned. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss that
fund
Replace the word
funding
show examples
 is the best measurement of
success
Use synonyms
 and that being beneficial and affecting people are alternative ways of measuring
success
Use synonyms
. The attainment of an attempt can be assessed with
money
Use synonyms
 that comes from the consequence of the attempt.
This
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 statement is valid in almost every domain.
For instance
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, if an entrepreneur starts up a new project, the accomplishment can only be measured with the profit
that is
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 made from
this
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 business in
this
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 context. Because, sustainability is the key point for
overall
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success
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 and unless the start-up maintains its presence, its situation is always evaluated as a failure.
Thus
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,
this
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 situation makes
money
Use synonyms
 the most important parameter at
this
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 point. The more cash
community
Correct article usage
the community
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 make, the more successful people become. Being beneficial and impacting people in a positive way, apart from
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
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, can be other measures of achievement. Doctors,
for instance
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, sometimes can protect patients and make them well without capital and they can feel successful at
this
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 point as their action is quite beneficial and impactful. Because
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 tend to regard themselves
successful
Change preposition
as successful
show examples
 when they are satisfied by the positive result of their actions. In conclusion, wealth is frequently used for measuring
success
Use synonyms
. I strongly believe that salary is the most efficient factor for assessing accomplishment and feel that the benefit
as well as
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 the positive impact should be taken into account in
this
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 context.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. While your essay has an introduction and conclusion, the body paragraphs could be better organised to enhance clarity and coherence. Present your arguments in a more structured format, using clear topic sentences and supporting details that align directly with the essay prompt.
task achievement
The response partially fulfils the task requirements. You have presented a general position but it is not fully developed. Your main ideas need to be expanded with specific examples and explanations that directly support the topic. The connection between wealth as a measure of success and alternative measurements needs to be clearer throughout your essay. Additionally, aim for more varied and complex sentence structures to fully develop and support your ideas.
task achievement
Relevancy of examples and support is critical. You have included some examples, but they are either too general or not entirely relevant to the prompt. Examples need to be specific, pertinent, and effectively unpack the argument. You should also consider using a wider range of vocabulary and grammar structures to showcase language proficiency.
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