IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree.

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Nowadays, a wide range of subjects are taught at
school
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.
However
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, some people think practical lessons,
such
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 as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork
in
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apply
show examples
which
students
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 can learn at home, should be deleted from the lesson schedule. Personally, I do not agree with
this
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 stance, and the following content will list the reasons. Several
students
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 could not learn certain skills from their family members.
For example
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, because of the busy lifestyle, more families prefer to eat out rather than cook by themselves.
Therefore
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, children in
this
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 type of family have no chance of learning
cooking
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to cook
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.
Similarly
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,
whose
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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parents are not good at knitting clothes, gardening and wood chopping, so their kids need to learn these skills at
school
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.
In addition
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, it will have more fun
while
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 learning with other teenagers and sharing their success. As for the families which are
master
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masters
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 in these skills,
students
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 can learn different techniques with their friends
in
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on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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campus.
For instance
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, there are several methods to make
a bread
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bread
a loaf of bread
a piece of bread
a slice of bread
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 and each way can make delicious and different
type
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types
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 of bread.
Nevertheless
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,
while
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 baking
a bread
Remove the article
bread
a loaf of bread
a piece of bread
a slice of bread
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 at home,
due to
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 the limitation of the equipment, children might only know a few types of pastry.
In contrast
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,
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 usually have more space and utensils which makes
students
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can
Verb problem
apply
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learn more types and knowledge of the bakery. In conclusion, practical lessons at
school
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 can provide a chance for every student to learn the knowledge which is not taught by their families. In my opinion, we should not derive these
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
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 classes from the lesson schedule.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure, starting with an introduction that presents the topic, followed by body paragraphs that elaborate on your main points, and ending with a conclusion that summarises your stance. The main points in your essay were somewhat repetitive and could be more distinct from each other. Try to develop them further for clarity.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the question and presented a clear position throughout the response. However, develop your main ideas further and include more specific examples to support your argument. Additionally, make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is expanded and not repeated across paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic success
  • passing examinations
  • cookery
  • dressmaking
  • woodwork
  • learn from family and friends
  • personalized learning environment
  • supportive learning environment
  • well-rounded education
  • school curriculum
  • resources
  • expert guidance
  • enhance creativity
  • problem-solving
  • teamwork
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