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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The picture illustrates the life cycle of
honey
Add an article
the honey
a honey
show examples
bee
Use synonyms
. the following
paragragh
Correct your spelling
paragraph
paragraphs
 will select and report the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
To begin
Linking Words
 with the primary of a honey
bee
Use synonyms
, females lay 1 or 2 eggs every three
days
Use synonyms
. Eggs usually hatch after 9-10
days
Use synonyms
. After
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
days
Use synonyms
 of hatching,
Use synonyms
bee
Correct article usage
the bee
show examples
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 out of the egg.
Then
Linking Words
 we can notice the growth of the
bee
Use synonyms
's size. When we
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started to spectate the growth of
Use synonyms
bee
Fix the agreement mistake
bees
show examples
, till now we
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
waited for 15
days
Use synonyms
.
wheres
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
, we can feel the growth of
Use synonyms
bee
Fix the agreement mistake
bees
show examples
 within 15
days
Use synonyms
. After the 15th
day
Add a comma
day,
show examples
 the
bee
Use synonyms
's nymph moults 3 times as it grows. It is very near to
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 adult stage of a
bee
Use synonyms
. Before maturity, the
bee
Use synonyms
 looks like matured but
actuallyit
Correct your spelling
actually it
actually
 is not.
Maturity
Correct article usage
The maturity
show examples
 stage holds
usuallly
Correct your spelling
usually
 5 to 6
days
Use synonyms
. But in
this
Linking Words
 case,
maturity
Correct article usage
the maturity
show examples
 period takes 4
days
Use synonyms
 to complete fully as a honey
bee
Use synonyms
.
Comparing
Wrong verb form
Compared
show examples
 to other insects and living beings, bees
holds
Correct subject-verb agreement
hold
show examples
 a special position. The whole life process of
Use synonyms
bee's
Correct article usage
a bee's
show examples
 life cycle takes 34-36
days
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bee, days with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life cycle
  • laying of eggs
  • queen bee
  • hatch into larvae
  • rapid growth
  • develop into pupae
  • significant transformation
  • emergence of the adult bee
  • matures fully
  • cyclical nature
  • colony’s survival
  • reproduction process
  • subsequent generations
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