These days, many people like to watch live performances (such as shows or concerts) at home, either on TV or on a computer, instead of attending in person. Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

#people #performances #concerts #home #tv #computer #person #outweigh

Nowadays, a lot of

people

prefer watching live shows at home,

instead

of attending in person.

This

essay will discuss the advantages and the disadvantages of it and will decide, whether if benefits outweigh

drawbacks

Correct article usage

the drawbacks

show examples

To begin

with, there are some

substancial

Correct your spelling

substantial

conveniences with not leaving home to spectate a particular

perfomance

Correct your spelling

performance

Firstly

, the cost of watching shows online is usually cheap or costs

absoultely

Correct your spelling

absolutely

nothing at all.

For example

majority

Correct article usage

the majority

show examples

of popular sports are broadcasted on TV channels, which can be watched for free,

while

the

ticket

to a match may cost hundreds or thousands of dollars.

This

factor plays a big role

Change preposition

show examples

encouraging

people

to spectate events in their living room, since many

people

want to save as much income, as they can.

Secondly

, it takes more effort to attend a live concert on the site. The

ticket

buyer will have to drive their car, order a taxi or use an underground subway to get to the place, where the event takes place

Change preposition

apply

show examples

This

is enough to discourage a part of

population

Add an article

the population

show examples

from purchasing the

ticket

to their desired event.

However

, there are some reasons

attend

Fix the infinitive

to attend

show examples

an event in person. First of all, when the

ticket

buyer comes to the site, there will be a huge crowd of

people

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

share the same interest.

Hence

this

is a good opportunity for

extraverted

Correct your spelling

extroverted

show examples

folks to have a lot of fun or make friends.

Furthermore

, some fans see the concert of their favourite celebrity as an opportunity to see them in person. Those

people

are willing to spend a large amount of money to use

this

chance. In conclusion, for most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Add an article

the people

show examples

people

Add a comma

people,

show examples

it is a lot more reasonable to stay at home to spectate live

perfomances

Correct your spelling

performances

However

, the benefits suggest, that the idea of selling seats to a live concert is not an obsolete idea.

Submitted by alexander.vectorgs on Mon Dec 11 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay structure needs improvement. A clear introduction, fully developed ideas in the body paragraphs, and a rephrased summary in the conclusion are essential for high coherence.

coherence cohesion

Avoid overly long sentences and make sure paragraphs are clearly separated and logically connected with a variety of linking phrases.

task achievement

Although the essay addresses the task, the response should fully answer the question. For a balanced view, discuss whether the advantages do indeed outweigh the disadvantages as the question prompts.

task achievement

Be sure that each paragraph clearly conveys its main idea and that these ideas are fully explored with relevant supporting details.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

308 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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These days, many people like to watch live performances (such as shows or concerts) at home, either on TV or on a computer, instead of attending in person. Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nations should spend more money on skills and vocational training for practical work, rather than on university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.

as the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing more and more jobs. Describe some job positions that may be lost because of computers, and disciss at least one problem that may result

In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?