IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can we do to address these problems?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Humans are putting more and more pressure on the atmosphere,
this
Linking Words
 leads to environmental degradation.
This
Linking Words
 essay attempts to shed light on the ways in which humans are destroying the environment before demonstrating some solutions to tackle
this
Linking Words
 worrying issue. There is sufficient evidence to illustrate that the natural environment is being attacked by human activities.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the enormous
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption in production is the main factor resulting in many environmental problems. Given the fact that there is massive exhaust fumes released from means of transportation and industrial areas which have been increasing recently and exacerbate
severely
Change the word
severe
show examples
 air quality.
Moreover
Linking Words
, deforestation is one of the noticeable
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 when the forest areas are chopped down non-stop on a daily
basic
Correct your spelling
basis
show examples
,
as a result
Linking Words
,
obliterate
Wrong verb form
obliterating
show examples
 natural habitat and precipitate the extinction. The worse coverage, the growing carbon footprint, and
consequently
Linking Words
, the environment
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more and more
vulneruble
Correct your spelling
vulnerable
.
For example
Linking Words
, in 2022, the total forest cut down in the world is more than 4
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 than in 2021.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the earth has lost a huge carpet that played a role in absorbing carbon dioxide, causing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming more seriously. To combat
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
 consequences of the aforementioned issues, it is advisable for both governments and individuals to deploy the following solutions. One feasible measure is that national authorities should spend government funding researching and introducing carbon-free
energy
Use synonyms
 sources,
such
Linking Words
 as wind and solar
energy
Use synonyms
. Simultaneously, state officials should encourage and support
evironmentally-friendly
Correct your spelling
environmentally friendly
 inventions and green industries.
For example
Linking Words
, Tesla is famous for electric vehicles which mitigate to release of toxic chemicals into the atmosphere.
Moreover
Linking Words
, raising public awareness about environmental degradation should be intensified in order to join hands to have clean-up activities and preserve it to avoid regretful damages. In conclusion, the overconsumption of traditional
energy
Use synonyms
 and deforestation are the underlying motives behind major environmental issues. The supporting policies of the government and raising
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 awareness are the key factors to alleviate
this
Linking Words
 issue.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a basic logical sequence of ideas but could benefit from more varied cohesive devices and smoother transitions between points to enhance the flow of information.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, though they could be more impactful by providing clearer thesis statements and summarizing the main points more distinctly.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported by examples and explanations, yet they require more development and specificity to effectively strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The response is relevant to the task and addresses the key parts of the prompt, but in order to attain a higher score, it should have a more sustained and in-depth focus on all components of the task.
task achievement
While the ideas presented are appropriate, they should be articulated more comprehensively. Clarity would be improved with well-structured paragraphs that each contain a clear main idea and subsequent supporting details.
task achievement
The essay provides examples, but they could be more specific and relevant to the central argument to offer a stronger case and a more precise illustration of the points being made.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: