Some people believe that entering the workplace after school is far more beneficial than studying at university. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Recently,many believe that attending
university
is not more useful than going to work after schooling.I agree that it is beneficial to go to work after
school
Correct word choice
and
show examples
then
achieve a degree at
university
.In
this
essay,I will explain my view with arguments.
Firstly
, discuss direct
entry
into the
workplace
after
school
.The first reason which supports
this
view is immediate income.
For instance
,it is generally believed that early
entry
into practical life makes an independent person.Sadly,
this
is a point
that is
not offered to a
university
student.
Therefore
,
it is clear that
direct
entry
into the workforce after basic
education
is more beneficial than studying at a
university
.
Secondly
,the argument that favours
this
view is fast learning.
For example
,it is considered that children can learn faster than adults.
Thus
, it becomes clear that entering the
workplace
after basic
education
is more useful than attending a
university
.
On the other hand
,the
university
is important for academic knowledge.
For instance
,it is widely known that learning at
university
is vital for deep knowledge.
In addition
,scientists come from higher institutes.
As a result
,a
university
education
has more plus points than entering into
workplace
after
school
.
Secondly
, a
university
education
is vital for career opportunities.It is generally believed that high-paying jobs are given to those persons,who are well educated in a particular field.
Thus
,it is more useful to get a
university
degree than go to the
workplace
after early training. Despite some plus sides,
people
should take
this
into consideration to make the right choice.
Firstly
, some
people
may get detached from
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
show examples
,
that is
when they start to forget some knowledge but they do not notice it, since they have to put so much effort into working.
Besides
,
people
cannot decide what job suits them best because they do not have any targets for their futures.
For example
, some
people
may feel uncomfortable with their current jobs, and
then
they will make some bad decisions which can ruin their future in some cases. In conclusion,direct
entry
into the
workplace
provides an opportunity to get immediate income and fast learning.
Therefore
,
it is clear that
going to the
workplace
after
school
is more beneficial than getting a deep
education
at a
university
.After a thorough analysis,I agreed with
this
statement.
Submitted by jamalashraf45 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are both clearly presented and effectively summarize the topic and your stance on the issue. The current introduction and conclusion need improvement for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to create a logical structure throughout the essay that clarifies the relationships between ideas. This includes enhancing paragraph transitions to guide the reader more smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should have a clear main topic that is supported by relevant examples or arguments. While you have attempted to provide support, the examples given are often too generic and require more specificity to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that your response provides a balanced discussion of the topic with a final position that coherently sums up the arguments presented.
task achievement
Clarify your main ideas by developing each one with detailed explanations and pertinent examples. Currently, some ideas are not fully expanded upon, which undermines the thoroughness of the response.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to illustrate and support your points. Doing so strengthens your argument and indicates a clearer understanding of the topic and its implications.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Workforce
  • On-the-job training
  • Student debt
  • Career ladder
  • Academic knowledge
  • Vocational training
  • Critical thinking
  • Networking
  • Hybrid approaches
  • Long-term advantages
  • Financial situations
  • Personal goals
  • Industry demands
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