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Band 4.5

Human activity has had a negative impact on planet and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others think actions can be taken to bring about a change. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

#activity #impact #planet #animals #world #people #actions #change
It is true that there is a deleterious impact on earth and animals owing to human actions. A number of people believe that
this
 situation is unchangeable,
while
 a vast majority of people argue that significant measures should be adopted so that
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 and animals can be protected. I firmly assume that conducive steps would be undertaken by the government to ameliorate
this
 problem.
This
 study will
endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour
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 to explore the reasons and possible solutions for protecting the earth and its species. Several factors are thought to be associated with human negligence to
planet
Add an article
the planet
show examples
 and
wild
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
lives. Individuals always think about the benefits of their own.
Therefore
, they do not pay
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
heed to the worst conditions of the globe and
Correct article usage
the wildlives
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wildlives
Correct your spelling
wild lives
 that have resulted from their acts.
For instance
, developed countries
contaminate
Wrong verb form
contaminated
show examples
 the world through their industrial revolution and cut down a huge number of trees to establish industries.
As a consequence
, animals and birds lose their habitats.
Notwithstanding
Correct word choice
Although
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 people have the realization of the detrimental effects
about
Change preposition
of
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 their activities towards the environment,
still
Correct word choice
but still
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 they continue to harm it
due to
 their high greed for money.
Earth
Change noun form
Earth's
show examples
 atmosphere and species can be protected ensuring effective measures. The government should bind the folks to follow the regulations relating to wildlife preservation and industrialization strictly. As it is a worldwide problem, the population should come forward to preserve the endangered species and make a planet suitable for their living.
Moreover
, forestation would be a great solution to preserve
wildlives
Correct your spelling
wildfires
wildlife
wild lives
 that are on the edge of extinction. In epitome, it is evident that
this
 planet is becoming unsuitable for living because of the brutal activities of mankind.
Hence
,
this
 challenge can be handled with the
overall
 help of the government and the folks.
Submitted by ilhanctg2019 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay maintains a clear and logical progression of ideas. While some parts of your essay flow well, others seem disconnected. Ensure that paragraphs are well-structured and that each one flows naturally into the next without abrupt transitions.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, both could be strengthened. The introduction should more clearly state the topics to be discussed, and the conclusion should more decisively summarize your position and the points made.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples or evidence. Your essay would benefit from specific, relevant examples that illustrate the points made in each paragraph. Avoid general statements and aim for concrete evidence when possible.
task achievement
Your essay needs to fully address all parts of the task. Make sure to discuss both viewpoints and include a clear opinion throughout the essay. In your response, while you mention both sides of the argument, more detail and development of each perspective can strengthen your task achievement score.
task achievement
While you have provided a basic framework for your ideas, strive to develop them more comprehensively. Your points remain somewhat superficial, lacking in-depth analysis and explanation.
task achievement
Examples used to substantiate your claims should be specific and precisely relevant to the topic at hand. Your essay lacks detailed and targeted examples to support the arguments. Aim to provide concrete illustrations from real-world situations to enhance your argument's credibility.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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