IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Directors and managers of organizations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#directors #managers #organizations #people #leaders
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is common for organisations to have seniors as top executives.
However
, in the contemporary era, many people argue that young individuals are better to
instead
 of these older
leaders
. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
 view. In terms of innovation, younger people often possess a natural inclination towards embracing change, exploring new ideas, and challenging the status quo. Their fresh perspectives and creative thinking can be instrumental in fostering an innovative culture within organizations. Young
leaders
 are typically more attuned to emerging trends, cutting-edge technologies, and contemporary
market
 dynamics, allowing them to adapt swiftly to evolving landscapes.
For example
, the tech giant Microsoft was shaped by Bill Gates and Paul Allen, both young visionaries. Their agility and openness to experimentation often lead to pioneering approaches, ideal for steering organizations through contemporary challenges. In terms of experience,
although
 young individuals may lack an extensive professional background compared to their senior counterparts,
this
 deficiency, particularly in the context of a rapidly evolving
market
, can be reframed as an advantage. Their relative lack of historical experience becomes an asset when confronting the swift shifts in the
market
 dynamics. Aligned with the same age group as the target customers, they possess an innate understanding of current trends and are less encumbered by self-consciousness.
Consequently
, they can adeptly assimilate the latest information and employ lateral thinking to make agile adaptations to meet the ever-changing demands.
Hence
, young
leaders
 are more adept at keeping pace with the dynamic shifts in the
market
. In conclusion, from the standpoint of innovation and experience, younger people can be seen as better
leaders
, contributing to a dynamic and forward-thinking organizational culture.
Submitted by xiaoruoling7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion, ensure that the essay contains clear transitions and connections between ideas throughout the essay. Introduction and conclusion should be clearly defined and distinct from the body paragraphs.
task achievement
To enhance the task achievement, provide a more balanced consideration of the topic by discussing both sides of the argument to some extent, even when you agree or disagree strongly. Incorporate a wider range of examples to support your points and make the response more comprehensive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: