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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Intelligent robots will be more widely used in the future. Is this a blessing or a curse? What is your opinion?

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Nowadays, artificial
intelligents
Correct your spelling
intelligence
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
being
Verb problem
becoming
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 famous and it will lead to
use
Correct article usage
the use
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intelligent
Change preposition
of intelligent
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robots
Use synonyms
 more widely in the future. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 it is
blessing
Correct article usage
a blessing
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in
Change preposition
from
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 some
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
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 of view because it will help
people
Use synonyms
for doing
Wrong verb form
do
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 specific
tasks
Use synonyms
 and easier to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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 based on
data
Use synonyms
 that
robots
Use synonyms
provided
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
. One of the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 is a blessing,
the
Correct determiner usage
that
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 intelligent
robots
Use synonyms
 are made
for helping
Change preposition
to help
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people
Use synonyms
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 specific
tasks
Use synonyms
. Especially, for
people
Use synonyms
 who open
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 but they do not have enough employees. The intelligent robot will help them
while
Linking Words
restaurant
Correct article usage
the restaurant
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open
Change the verb form
opens
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 like
delivery
Replace the word
delivering
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 food to the customers or cleaning the table and the floor. Those special
tasks
Use synonyms
 that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 can do but not many
people
Use synonyms
 want to do it. As we know
people
Use synonyms
more tending
Wrong verb form
tend
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 to work in the office rather than clean the restaurant. Other reasons, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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intelligent
robots
Use synonyms
 are created to populate and illustrate
data
Use synonyms
 for
decisioning
Correct your spelling
decision-making
 something. It is helpful
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
to people
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 for creating a quick decision.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are working in drilling
well
Replace the word
wells
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
need intelligent
robots
Use synonyms
share
Add the particle
to share
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 all existing
data
Use synonyms
 from existing and current
well
Fix the agreement mistake
wells
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as what risks
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they will face during drilling and where the target prospect
.
Add a missing verb
is.
show examples
 Based on the
data
Use synonyms
 that already shared by intelligent
robots
Use synonyms
,
engineer
Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
show examples
 will able to
have
Verb problem
make
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quick
Correct word choice
quicker
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decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 than used to be.
Compare
Wrong verb form
Compared
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 with twenty years ago during drilling,
engineer
Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
show examples
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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needed at least two days
for making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
 the same decisions as the technology still not
advance
Wrong verb form
advanced
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 at that time.
However
Linking Words
, in my opinion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
intelligent
robots
Use synonyms
 are a blessing for
people
Use synonyms
 but it is
also
Linking Words
curse
Add an article
a curse
show examples
 for some
people
Use synonyms
. It will lead some unemployment in the future because there will be some jobs that replaced by
robots
Use synonyms
 and it already started now
such
Linking Words
 as
waitress
Fix the agreement mistake
waitresses
show examples
 and parking. I think for
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 drawbacks,
government
Add an article
the government
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 needs to have some regulations regarding the intelligent
robots
Use synonyms
using
Wrong verb form
used
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a big
scales
Fix the agreement mistake
scale
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will
keep
Verb problem
be
show examples
 secure and safe about their jobs.
Overall
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
intelligent
robots
Use synonyms
 will be a blessing in the future because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will help in
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 special
tasks
Use synonyms
 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will
people
Use synonyms
 more efficient than before.
However
Linking Words
, we need to
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
regarding
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the drawbacks that can replace
people
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some particular jobs.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction that sets the context and a conclusion that summarizes the main points effectively. The introduction and conclusion in your essay are present but they would benefit from a clearer statement of your overarching argument or opinion regarding the topic.
logical structure
Work on structuring your essay logically, with clear and distinct paragraphs each dealing with a separate aspect of the topic. Use cohesive devices to help the reader follow your argument. However, be careful not to overuse these devices; aim for a natural flow of information.
supported main points
While you provided relevant examples and main points, make sure to develop them more thoroughly. Each paragraph should have a main idea that is expanded upon with supporting details, explanations, or examples.
complete response
To fully satisfy the task requirements, ensure that your response is comprehensive and addresses all parts of the prompt. In this case, providing a balanced examination of both the benefits and drawbacks of intelligent robots and elaborating more on each could improve the response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive to present clear and comprehensive ideas within your essay. This includes ensuring that each paragraph contains one main idea with supporting information that is directly related to your argument. Avoid vague statements and strive for precision in your ideas.
relevant specific examples
You included some relevant examples in your argument, but specificity could be improved. Real-world examples or hypothetical situations that closely relate to the prompt can greatly enhance the persuasiveness and relevance of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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